A travesty so wrong, it must be righted!

The campaign to immortalize a revolutionary creature

We all wonder how we’d respond. If the Call came. Would we step up? Or would we quake? For most, wondering is all they’ll ever do. As it is rare to be Called. Called to stand up against injustice. Called to rally those around us. Called to do whatever it takes to bring about change. In my thirty-three years, I have never heard such a Call.

Until now.

I’ll be honest, when I was first made aware of this wrong by the freedom-loving

Holly Starley

, I didn’t want to heed this Call. It seemed like a Herculean task, one fit for someone more like, well, Hercules. Why had it been thrust onto me? I wondered. But the more I stewed in the travesty of this injustice, the more I realised that it didn’t matter who led this campaign–all that mattered was that this wrong be righted.

Brace yourselves, friends, because what your about to find out may rattle you to your underwear. See, despite the fact that our technological advancements have brought us such treasures as, AI systems that threaten to replace all us idiots still insistent on creating the old-fashioned way and smart phones so smart they’ve tricked us into ignoring the world beyond their rectangular confines–there is still no . . . Ohh God I can’t even bear to say it . . .

THERE IS STILL NO PLATYPUS EMOJI!

And while I’m certainly not Hercules, I feel it is my responsibility, my duty, my Calling–to rectify this wrong. Besides, I’m the only weirdo I know posing as a platypus online. And so, if not me, then who?

Now, let’s get something straight: I’m not campaigning for a platypus emoji simply because my Substack is named after a platypus. (Although I suspect it will be good for business.) Nor am I campaigning for this much-needed emoji just so I can put it at the end of all my comments, notes, texts, and emails. (Although I will definitely be doing that.)

No! My reasons run much deeper.

Firstly, the platypus is such a freak of an animal, (I once heard it described as a duck that’s trying to escape the mouth of a beaver) that a platypus emoji would serve the freaks of the world. And isn’t it time us freaks got a break? I mean, think about it. . . You’ve just received a text from a friend asking you why you didn’t respond to a group chat thread you were added to without your consent–and BAM! You send back a platypus emoji: instantly reminding your friend that you are a freak who doesn’t conform to all these invasive, incessant, and frankly unwanted forms of communication our hyper connected world is trying to impose on us. No feigned apology necessary. No clunky explanation required. Nothing! That one simple emoji would say it all.

Secondly, the lack of a platypus emoji is actually representative of a larger issue: Australian animals being overlooked by the emoji Gods. Not only does the world lack a platypus emoji, but there is also no echidna emoji, no numbat emoji, and no Tasmanian devil emoji. In fact, there are a host of Aussie animals missing from the emoji list. And Godamnit-to-gumnuts something has to be done about this. Fair enough if Australia as a country is overlooked on the world stage; besides, we did that to ourselves by moving so far away and all. But come cockatoos-or-kangaroos I will not stand idly by while our weird and wonderful animals are snubbed like this. It’s just not bloody right I tell ya! And so, I ask you, in all Aussie-outback-earnestness, can we really let this go on? Do we want future generations to look back and realise that we were the people who kept these furry, adorable, critters down? I think not!

Thirdly, (and I’m being serious now) as I illuminated in my last post, the platypus is a powerful symbol. A symbol of uniqueness and individuality. A symbol of defying labels and categories. A symbol of the inherent magic present in people’s peculiar sides. And a symbol that I truly believe can help unite us. Whether you’re reading this at a time befitting G’day or G’night, I’m sure you will agree that what we need right now is a way through the division plaguing our planet. The platypus emoji is the answer.

See, I have a dream. . .

I envision a world where the platypus emoji symbolizes the abolition of that pernicious notion known as, The Other. It will be an emblem used by those who choose to not only embrace, but celebrate, everyone’s distinct differences. It will be a crest we can pin to the end of our messages that loudly proclaims that we choose to stand together despite how far apart we may be in ability, appearance, heritage, or ideology. And it will be a badge worn with pride that denotes the intrinsic unity that can be found in recognizing, respecting, and revering each other’s uniqueness. After all, as the wise platypus has taught us–our oneness lies in our essence not our duck-billed differences.

It is for these reasons, (and frankly, because it would just be really fun) that I implore all of you to join my campaign. Share this message around online, print it out and stick it in your neighbor’s letter boxes, demand a meeting with your local council, hell, even bang on a few doors if you have to. Do whatever it takes! Because at the end of the day, my friends, the platypus has already done so much for us–the least we can do is immortalize that revolutionary creature in emoji form.

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