The Power of The Pledge

Today’s regular broadcasting of The Curious Platypus has been interrupted to bring you this more ‘Substack-centred’ piece. Regular broadcasting (whatever that crazy Duck-Otter’s regular broadcasting even is) will resume in a fortnight. We thank you for your patience.  

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A few weeks ago, I turned on pledges somewhat on a whim. I say ‘on a whim’ because I didn’t really take the whole thing seriously. I certainly didn’t expect anyone to actually pledge. “As if anyone would be willing to pay for my writing” I thought. It’s not that I thought people on Substack aren’t generous, but rather that my self-doubt was telling me, “My writing isn’t good enough for such things – that’s an honour reserved for real writers”. And it wasn’t just that…

See, for me, this whole Substack experience has mirrored the Taoist’s ying-yang symbol perfectly (but then again, doesn’t everything?). It’s been good and bad. It’s been good because after such a long time of writing in solitude it feels gratifying to finally be sharing my writing with the world. It’s been bad because sharing my writing with the world has raised the volume of my self-doubt. It’s been good because to my surprise my writing has received much more engagement than I expected. It’s been bad because my self-doubt has weaponised this engagement by telling me that, “there’s no way you can keep putting writing out at this pace and as soon as you slip all your supposed engagement will slip as well”. It’s been good because I’ve made connections with a bunch of kind, thoughtful, and interesting people all of whom write their own incredibly engaging and enjoyable pieces. It’s been bad because my self-doubt pushes me to compare my writing to theirs as if this is actually some sort of competition. In other words, outwardly the experience of being on Substack has been nothing short of amazing for all the reasons I mentioned and many more I didn’t, but inwardly I have been fighting a heightened version of my self-doubt every step along the way.       

And so, what I realised is that the reason I didn’t take turning on pledges seriously is because it was a way to shield myself from all the taunts my self-doubt would have thrown at me if I had of taken it seriously. That, and to lessen the intensity of the inevitable onslaught of mean-spirited venom that mudafucker would have spit my way when I didn’t receive any pledges.

So then, imagine how amazing it felt when I received my first pledge. It wasn’t until that moment that the gravity of what pledges actually mean hit me. I mean, this is the first time I have ever been told by another real-life human that they are willing to actually pay to read my writing. And if you stop and seriously think about it for a second, it is hard to fathom how nice of a gesture that is. How kind of a compliment it is. How high of an honor it is that someone would be willing to part with their hard-earned money to support this aspiring writer. For a writer there really is no greater nod of approval. The fact that some kind-hearted soul would be so generous as to show me that they value my writing in that way is something I’m still struggling to comprehend.

And my self-doubt? Stunned silence. Much to my pleasure, I haven’t heard a peep out of that asshole. Do I think that’s permanent? No. I’m sure that cunt will pipe-up about something soon enough. But I do think that is the power of the pledge: it is the best way us money-swapping-humans have to tell a writer that all the bullshit their self-doubt throws at them, is just that – bullshit.

Now, I know that for many people money is tight (after all, late-stage capitalism is real). And so, please don’t perceive this piece as some sort of, “we-should-all-pledge-and-pay-writers-for-their-work”, as the last thing I want to do is dole out proscriptions. Instead, my reason for sharing this piece is that I wanted to convey how much it meant to me to receive a pledge from someone (you know who you are, and you’re awesome). I wanted to say that after that experience I understand to a greater degree why the Substack model is so powerful, and how it not only facilitates more confident writers but also a more cohesive community. And I wanted to highlight that you really don’t know how much that $5 pledge might mean to someone. Because to you it might just be $5, but to them it might be the thing that helps them, at least for a moment, silence their inner critic.