What a delightful way to explore the ephemeral nature of memory. There is so much great writing here. You blow me away with your talented wordsmithing.
That this is so visceral, urgent, and cinematic—I could hear that sound of accumulated infinite smaller sounds swallowing you—makes the redirection midway almost a twist. But I love what it leaves you, and by extension us, thinking about.
I remember you mention a memory piece in a comment weeks ago. I’m curious if this was part of that thread, but I’m a sucker for this line of thinking in any case. Whether this happened this way or has been embellished—by time or by your present artistic pallet—is a fascinating, unsolvable inquiry. The more I delve into core memories, the more I realize how much our aging minds and growing understandings fill in details. I mean, seeing a similar scene in a film might inform the way you remember (or “remember”) this moment, but it also might simply help you grasp a very real memory. That memory can be visceral but unreliable is a tricky thing, but it works great for creative artists making art—and this is cool art for sure.
I thought it would be fun, even some what of a twist (as you mentioned), to share the memory first and then reveal after that I don’t know how solid it is.
And yes, this was the piece I was mucking about with when I mentioned memory a few weeks back in that comment. At that point, I didn’t think this piece would turn out as it did, but I kinda let myself see where it took me a bit more than I usually do and I relatively happy with where it ended up. I felt there was much more I could have said about the questionable nature of memory and our identities and even our perceptions moment to moment and how that informs our understanding of reality. But I decided it was better to keep this piece a bit vague and brief — in the way many memories are.
And your right, the shakiness of memory actually works great for us artists as it allows us to play in realms and thought forms that are also intangible and strange.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, as always they were a pleasure to read :)
I really enjoyed the focus of this. The way it’s all about one brief experience and your perception. Different than many of your other pieces. And quite visceral.
Thank you SJ! I’m so glad you liked it. I’ll admit, it was a little uncomfortable for me to stray from my normal wiring style, but it was also fun. And I felt a piece about the vague questionable nature of memory should be a little vague and elusive. :)
I love it when there are Substack syncronicities and recently a few people I follow have written about memory distortion. You make such a good point that if our identity is based on memory it is a shaky foundation indeed.
Thank you, Donna. I’m thrilled you enjoyed the piece. And thank you for the kind words on my writing.
Also, I love the idea of ‘Substack synchronicities’ there is just something so cool about that. Maybe, in some inexplicable way, ideas about memory distortion seeped into the consciousness of a bunch of Substack people around the same time for reasons their not even aware of, and what’s going on now with these synchronicities is the end result of that. Either way, it’s fun to imagine such things hehe.
And yes, shaky as hell! It makes me wonder about the loss of identity that must impact people who experience amnesia or dementia. 😳
My beloved was in an accident about 12 years ago and he was briefly in a coma, following it. He said that when he was falling into it he had a vision of a house of cards falling, and he realised that the cards made up his personality, so he was watching them fall and thinking to himself “If I don’t manage to put these cards back together in exactly the same way that they were, I’m going to come out of this a completely different person”. Which is to say, that line really resonated!!
As does feeling like “a haphazard collection of obscure parts that momentarily move together to create the illusion of solidity.” Incredible writing, my friend.
Wow! What an incredibly symbolic and confronting vision to have! That must of been quite the experience. Experiences like that, along with the surreal and ineffable moments that occur from time to time, often make wonder about the solidity of this whole thing. . .
Shaky as it is, I’m thrilled to hear those lines resonated with you Chloe. It makes the haphazard collection of obscure parts masquerading as ‘me’ very happy to hear that. :)
Oh hell yes. This begins as an apocalyptic episode and closes with an existential thwap! Take that identity! I love this idea, that our selfhood, made from memory, is nothing more than a fleeting swarm of cicadas. Maybe our safety isn’t in sheltering from the formations but watching them spiral in with certainty, believing the hell out of them, and then just as true, watching them disappear.
“Take that identity!” — haha yes, Kimberly! I love that!
I also love the idea of, “believing the hell out of them”. I’ve thought similar things before. I mean, if it’s all shaky and vague and weird, then why not just lean in and enjoy the show? I often think about this in terms of dreams I have. As they are usually so strange and weird, and yet, dream me normally just goes along with whatever crazy shit it going on without ever questioning any of it. So why not do the same here? And then, when it all disappears, just be glad it was there for a moment.
Thanks so much, Kimberly. As usual, I was smiling ear to ear while I read your comment. :)
The cicadas have started their loud hymns to summer here in Tokyo. For kids, it means the summer holidays are here. For me, they are a reminder that the summer heat will continue to stretch into the future weeks—another of your agents of the intangible, perhaps?
Thank you, Jeffrey! To be completely honest, I really like that phrase too. So, it’s extra special to me to find out you also liked it.
Ahhh yes, the summer heat is certainly another worthy agent of the intangible. After I picked the few I mentioned in the piece I started to think about others, but that one never occurred to me! Thanks for pointing it out. :)
Wow, this, too touches the ineffable. I was just thinking about the solidity of rocks, and how they are not solid at all, but a swirl of atoms that will eventually fly apart from one another. So beautiful to come here and read about your mass of cicadas, about the haze of memory. So much to think about. Thanks, Michael.
Ohhh exactly!! If only you knew, Kendall, how many times I wrote a few lines about how everything is made of clusters of swirling atoms before changing my mind and deleting them. It’s thoughts like that which make me question the solidity of basically everything! Hazy memories, shaky identities, swirls of atoms — we’re living in a blender of magic Kendall. And it’s a damn fine thing to be able to try write about it alongside you, my friend.
And, of course, thank you for the kinds words. It is much appreciated :)
I love that you used the cicadas instead of the aroms to bring this idea home, Micheal. It's less obtuse, and so visually rich. As readers, we arrive at the same profound place, but through the sidedoor, which is my favorite door to enter. Really, it's all a blender of magic- and this dance we do with the writing is the most magic of all.
"certain parts of myself also inhabit phantasmagorical realms" This phrase right here begs to be quoted, not just for the exquisite choice of words but also for the deep and possibly never-ending discussion as to which part of us are in this "real" realm of existence an which ones in phantasmagorical one. It would be an interesting one, no doubt. Also, as a Greek, I admire your use of greek words in your writing. Love your writing, consider me a fan!
It leaves me spinning so often when I think about this is exact question — what parts of us are in the ‘real’ realm and what parts of us are in the phantasmagorical. And how can we ever know one way or the other with any certainty.
Thank you so much for your kind words on my writing, Lia. I’m happy to hear the piece spoke to you and that you thought that particular line was quote worthy — that’s such a lovely compliment.
I’m also thrilled that you liked the use of Greek words in the piece. That is a very astute and unique observation.
Michael I am Greek, so it’s not difficult for me to recognise Greek words and understand how they should be used- and you did an excellent job! As for the question of which parts of us are in the real or phantasmagorical realm, well, that is indeed something worth debating about. It just begs for attention, don’t you think? I believe you write exceptionally well, maybe it is because English is not my native language.I am an English teacher in Greece, so English became my native language, in a way, as I use it daily and it is my passion. You’re most welcome, you write amazingly well. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Who says you're solid anyway? You are "a process having continuity," according to Dewey, a ceaseless coming to be. And as Democritus held, "the cause of coming-into-being of all things is the vortex."
Shuffle the cards, my friend, your writing is flowing!
Ha! Great point, Fotini! Who said we’re solid, indeed. I guess, I sort of just picked it up somewhere along the way. But your so right, Dewey, Democritus, the Buddhists, the Taoists, hell, even the scientists with their atoms — have all highlighted the process-ness of it all.
Michael, I love the way you brought this so familiar notion of memory and identity and truth and implanted ideas to light—in a perfect swirl of possibility! 💕
Thank you, Holly! This one was a little bit outside my wheelhouse, which actually made it quite fun. Here’s to swirling about in the mystical unknown :)
This was SO good, Michael! Loved this line in particular: "They make a mockery of the line that supposedly separates fact from fiction." Rings true - that line is pretty flexible it seems when it comes to our memories.
Thank you Kaylen. I’m so glad you liked the piece. And thank you for pointing out that specific line, I always love finding out which parts resonated with people.
And I know right!? Our wishy washy memories hehe :)
So vividly painted, not merely in imagery but in the feel of them, the sounds, the light and shadow. My mind filled in scent. I ask these questions all the time, as you well know. I am fortunate to have half of my life documented in words of the current day, so I often can go back and see what else my mind has filled in with imagination and memories of other experiences. Considering how accurately I tend to remember things, when I do remember, I allow my many doubts of “did that reeeeally happen, are you sure you’re not just imagining things” to ease off me. And the things that are undoubtedly filled in, mixed and mashed, swirled and imagined…I just allow it. I have decided to just accept it as ME with my expansive, explosive and surreptitious fantastically inventive mind. Because…how many dimensions DO I access when I dream? When I’m awake? How much of me IS my mind and how much is memory, and where do those two things become independent? How much ARE we all really interconnected, and with whom are we beyond this planet? IS any of my rainbow-spattered and grainy sepia skull material from a past life or do we only get one?
Ask me when I’m dark matter again, not merely exploded star-guts coagulated into a tiny pea with a universe at my core.
Yup. Hoooo boy, here she goes again. 🤣🤪🤓 Your fault, writing so vividly and stirring up so many musings.
As always Alexx — I freaking love your comment. Somewhere in the star-speckled dimensions of infinite time we are having long deep wordless conversations about all the questions you raised and so much more as patches of dark matter.
One thing I have to touch on, though, is what about “I just allow it” — I love that! Given all that we can’t know and how mixed and mashed we are, just allowing it feels so right! :)
What a delightful way to explore the ephemeral nature of memory. There is so much great writing here. You blow me away with your talented wordsmithing.
Hehehe thanks Chicken. It probably would’ve been better if I’d listened to your editing suggestion. . . But I am nothing if not stubborn hehe :)
I second this--the parts about memory and the potential to misremember something (especially something formative) freaks me out. wonderful work.
It is pretty freaky. It throws so much into question.
I’m glad the piece resonated with you, Will. And thank you for your kind words. :)
That this is so visceral, urgent, and cinematic—I could hear that sound of accumulated infinite smaller sounds swallowing you—makes the redirection midway almost a twist. But I love what it leaves you, and by extension us, thinking about.
I remember you mention a memory piece in a comment weeks ago. I’m curious if this was part of that thread, but I’m a sucker for this line of thinking in any case. Whether this happened this way or has been embellished—by time or by your present artistic pallet—is a fascinating, unsolvable inquiry. The more I delve into core memories, the more I realize how much our aging minds and growing understandings fill in details. I mean, seeing a similar scene in a film might inform the way you remember (or “remember”) this moment, but it also might simply help you grasp a very real memory. That memory can be visceral but unreliable is a tricky thing, but it works great for creative artists making art—and this is cool art for sure.
Awesome stuff, but of course it is.
Thank you Michael.
I thought it would be fun, even some what of a twist (as you mentioned), to share the memory first and then reveal after that I don’t know how solid it is.
And yes, this was the piece I was mucking about with when I mentioned memory a few weeks back in that comment. At that point, I didn’t think this piece would turn out as it did, but I kinda let myself see where it took me a bit more than I usually do and I relatively happy with where it ended up. I felt there was much more I could have said about the questionable nature of memory and our identities and even our perceptions moment to moment and how that informs our understanding of reality. But I decided it was better to keep this piece a bit vague and brief — in the way many memories are.
And your right, the shakiness of memory actually works great for us artists as it allows us to play in realms and thought forms that are also intangible and strange.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, as always they were a pleasure to read :)
There is always more to say about memory, but I’m sure there will be other cicada swarm memories to explore those thoughts around.
Which I will eagerly read :)
Always more to say, indeed!
Thanks Michael. :)
I really enjoyed the focus of this. The way it’s all about one brief experience and your perception. Different than many of your other pieces. And quite visceral.
Thank you SJ! I’m so glad you liked it. I’ll admit, it was a little uncomfortable for me to stray from my normal wiring style, but it was also fun. And I felt a piece about the vague questionable nature of memory should be a little vague and elusive. :)
Yes! I hope you’ll keep expanding your envelope it’s always scary but rewarding when we do that. Something I need to do more of.
Thanks SJ! I’ll do my best. And best of luck to expanding yours as well :)
Damn you are an excellent writer. This is so good
I love it when there are Substack syncronicities and recently a few people I follow have written about memory distortion. You make such a good point that if our identity is based on memory it is a shaky foundation indeed.
Thank you, Donna. I’m thrilled you enjoyed the piece. And thank you for the kind words on my writing.
Also, I love the idea of ‘Substack synchronicities’ there is just something so cool about that. Maybe, in some inexplicable way, ideas about memory distortion seeped into the consciousness of a bunch of Substack people around the same time for reasons their not even aware of, and what’s going on now with these synchronicities is the end result of that. Either way, it’s fun to imagine such things hehe.
And yes, shaky as hell! It makes me wonder about the loss of identity that must impact people who experience amnesia or dementia. 😳
My beloved was in an accident about 12 years ago and he was briefly in a coma, following it. He said that when he was falling into it he had a vision of a house of cards falling, and he realised that the cards made up his personality, so he was watching them fall and thinking to himself “If I don’t manage to put these cards back together in exactly the same way that they were, I’m going to come out of this a completely different person”. Which is to say, that line really resonated!!
As does feeling like “a haphazard collection of obscure parts that momentarily move together to create the illusion of solidity.” Incredible writing, my friend.
Wow! What an incredibly symbolic and confronting vision to have! That must of been quite the experience. Experiences like that, along with the surreal and ineffable moments that occur from time to time, often make wonder about the solidity of this whole thing. . .
Shaky as it is, I’m thrilled to hear those lines resonated with you Chloe. It makes the haphazard collection of obscure parts masquerading as ‘me’ very happy to hear that. :)
Oh hell yes. This begins as an apocalyptic episode and closes with an existential thwap! Take that identity! I love this idea, that our selfhood, made from memory, is nothing more than a fleeting swarm of cicadas. Maybe our safety isn’t in sheltering from the formations but watching them spiral in with certainty, believing the hell out of them, and then just as true, watching them disappear.
“Take that identity!” — haha yes, Kimberly! I love that!
I also love the idea of, “believing the hell out of them”. I’ve thought similar things before. I mean, if it’s all shaky and vague and weird, then why not just lean in and enjoy the show? I often think about this in terms of dreams I have. As they are usually so strange and weird, and yet, dream me normally just goes along with whatever crazy shit it going on without ever questioning any of it. So why not do the same here? And then, when it all disappears, just be glad it was there for a moment.
Thanks so much, Kimberly. As usual, I was smiling ear to ear while I read your comment. :)
I love the phrase "jesters of solidity"!
The cicadas have started their loud hymns to summer here in Tokyo. For kids, it means the summer holidays are here. For me, they are a reminder that the summer heat will continue to stretch into the future weeks—another of your agents of the intangible, perhaps?
Thank you, Jeffrey! To be completely honest, I really like that phrase too. So, it’s extra special to me to find out you also liked it.
Ahhh yes, the summer heat is certainly another worthy agent of the intangible. After I picked the few I mentioned in the piece I started to think about others, but that one never occurred to me! Thanks for pointing it out. :)
Wow, this, too touches the ineffable. I was just thinking about the solidity of rocks, and how they are not solid at all, but a swirl of atoms that will eventually fly apart from one another. So beautiful to come here and read about your mass of cicadas, about the haze of memory. So much to think about. Thanks, Michael.
Ohhh exactly!! If only you knew, Kendall, how many times I wrote a few lines about how everything is made of clusters of swirling atoms before changing my mind and deleting them. It’s thoughts like that which make me question the solidity of basically everything! Hazy memories, shaky identities, swirls of atoms — we’re living in a blender of magic Kendall. And it’s a damn fine thing to be able to try write about it alongside you, my friend.
And, of course, thank you for the kinds words. It is much appreciated :)
I love that you used the cicadas instead of the aroms to bring this idea home, Micheal. It's less obtuse, and so visually rich. As readers, we arrive at the same profound place, but through the sidedoor, which is my favorite door to enter. Really, it's all a blender of magic- and this dance we do with the writing is the most magic of all.
Ohh I like that. Entering through the side door is a great way to think about it.
Definitely, writing is magic personified. Thanks Kendall :)
"certain parts of myself also inhabit phantasmagorical realms" This phrase right here begs to be quoted, not just for the exquisite choice of words but also for the deep and possibly never-ending discussion as to which part of us are in this "real" realm of existence an which ones in phantasmagorical one. It would be an interesting one, no doubt. Also, as a Greek, I admire your use of greek words in your writing. Love your writing, consider me a fan!
It leaves me spinning so often when I think about this is exact question — what parts of us are in the ‘real’ realm and what parts of us are in the phantasmagorical. And how can we ever know one way or the other with any certainty.
Thank you so much for your kind words on my writing, Lia. I’m happy to hear the piece spoke to you and that you thought that particular line was quote worthy — that’s such a lovely compliment.
I’m also thrilled that you liked the use of Greek words in the piece. That is a very astute and unique observation.
Glad to have you as a fan :)
Michael I am Greek, so it’s not difficult for me to recognise Greek words and understand how they should be used- and you did an excellent job! As for the question of which parts of us are in the real or phantasmagorical realm, well, that is indeed something worth debating about. It just begs for attention, don’t you think? I believe you write exceptionally well, maybe it is because English is not my native language.I am an English teacher in Greece, so English became my native language, in a way, as I use it daily and it is my passion. You’re most welcome, you write amazingly well. I look forward to reading more of your work!
It definitely begs for attention. I try my best to give it as much attention as I can.
Thank you, Lia I really appreciate your support on my writing — it means a lot. :)
Who says you're solid anyway? You are "a process having continuity," according to Dewey, a ceaseless coming to be. And as Democritus held, "the cause of coming-into-being of all things is the vortex."
Shuffle the cards, my friend, your writing is flowing!
Ha! Great point, Fotini! Who said we’re solid, indeed. I guess, I sort of just picked it up somewhere along the way. But your so right, Dewey, Democritus, the Buddhists, the Taoists, hell, even the scientists with their atoms — have all highlighted the process-ness of it all.
Love that last line too — “shuffle the cards”
Thanks Fontini, I appreciate you :)
Michael, I love the way you brought this so familiar notion of memory and identity and truth and implanted ideas to light—in a perfect swirl of possibility! 💕
Thank you, Holly! This one was a little bit outside my wheelhouse, which actually made it quite fun. Here’s to swirling about in the mystical unknown :)
Oh yes, the mystical unknown. What a wonderful place to swirl. Very glad you shared your swirl. ;)
This was SO good, Michael! Loved this line in particular: "They make a mockery of the line that supposedly separates fact from fiction." Rings true - that line is pretty flexible it seems when it comes to our memories.
Thank you Kaylen. I’m so glad you liked the piece. And thank you for pointing out that specific line, I always love finding out which parts resonated with people.
And I know right!? Our wishy washy memories hehe :)
I love that too! Especially when the lines I felt came out most true while writing turn out to be the lines that landed best. Or the opposite 🤣
Ohh yes, it is such a special treat when someone mentions a line that is quietly your favourite line — I love that hehe
On a related note, I just finished picking out a few lines from your latest piece :)
Oh yayyy! I’ll go take a looksie! 🥳
So vividly painted, not merely in imagery but in the feel of them, the sounds, the light and shadow. My mind filled in scent. I ask these questions all the time, as you well know. I am fortunate to have half of my life documented in words of the current day, so I often can go back and see what else my mind has filled in with imagination and memories of other experiences. Considering how accurately I tend to remember things, when I do remember, I allow my many doubts of “did that reeeeally happen, are you sure you’re not just imagining things” to ease off me. And the things that are undoubtedly filled in, mixed and mashed, swirled and imagined…I just allow it. I have decided to just accept it as ME with my expansive, explosive and surreptitious fantastically inventive mind. Because…how many dimensions DO I access when I dream? When I’m awake? How much of me IS my mind and how much is memory, and where do those two things become independent? How much ARE we all really interconnected, and with whom are we beyond this planet? IS any of my rainbow-spattered and grainy sepia skull material from a past life or do we only get one?
Ask me when I’m dark matter again, not merely exploded star-guts coagulated into a tiny pea with a universe at my core.
Yup. Hoooo boy, here she goes again. 🤣🤪🤓 Your fault, writing so vividly and stirring up so many musings.
As always Alexx — I freaking love your comment. Somewhere in the star-speckled dimensions of infinite time we are having long deep wordless conversations about all the questions you raised and so much more as patches of dark matter.
One thing I have to touch on, though, is what about “I just allow it” — I love that! Given all that we can’t know and how mixed and mashed we are, just allowing it feels so right! :)