This is an edited version of one of the first things I posted on Substack more than a year ago. When I first posted it, I had less than twenty subscribers, and since that number has substantially grown, I assume most of you haven’t read this piece. To those of you who have, my deepest apologies. I’m reposting it now for two reasons: 1) I like the piece; I think it’s fun and light, while also being painfully true. And 2) I am currently working on a big project that I’m excited to share, but it’s taking longer than I had planned. So, stay tuned for that! And until then, I hope you enjoy today’s piece.
I'm glad you reposted this Michael as I missed it the first time. This is very well done! The brevity and vivid descriptions, then tying it all back to not wanting to burn the eggs. Excellent writing.
This is incredibly relatable—the juggling tasks in the kitchen part and the unwanted, apocalypse-resistant visitor part. Thanks for bringing it back and highlighting it again.
I know the feeling so sooooo well lol. I used to get like this all the time but in my last apartment the roach problem was such a regular occurrence that I inevitably grew numb to them. They were also so big I’m surprised they didn’t ask me for a cuppa while sitting upright at the table rippin cigs. They had wings and would fly across the room at times. In fact one hit me in the face, mid flight, one night as I was sleeping. Needless to say it made a man out of me in ways I wasn’t before (for lack of better terminology). Since then I’ve graduated from that deer in the headlights moment to a cold hard killer. A roach that dares to rear its head in front of me now is one with a death wish. It’s ON SIGHT now.
Bro, the ones that fly are freaking terrifying! If one hit me in the face while I was sleeping I don’t think I’d ever be the same again haha. I’m happy to hear enough exposure to them helped you graduate past the deer in headlights stage — in one sense I hope I can one day graduate as well, but in another my skin crawls at the idea of all that exposure haha.
I’m not the same person I was before that sucker flew into my face. The world has gotten darker. I feel cold and numb. Needless to say I was violated. Hahahaha
Just today, I found a cockroach in the kitchen sink. I caught it between two plastic cups and moved it gently outside. I just didn't have it in me to squish it.
OMG Michael you had me laughing so hard at my computer. I LOVE this writing voice of yours. It's just so funny. And I'm so looking forward to hearing more about the big project you're working on. Your Substack is truly one that I most enjoy reading!
I just love this. The dilemma. The conundrum. This is definitely me in my house. I once had a massive battle with the neighbor's cockroaches infiltrating my space, so I had to become a merciless killer for a time. I even decapitated one with the butcher knife while cooking one night. But now...I am right there with you.
PS Writer brain is just shaking my head, astounded. Michael Edward strikes again. Ka-blam. Two-punch combo. KO. Love it.
Yeah it’s a funny thing how we can go back and forth between merciless killer and deer in a head lights. There have been times when I was working as a Tradie and I had my boots and gloves and everything on and I’d see a cockroach and I’d just kill it no problem, but then in other contexts — like at home in my underwear — they terrify me.
Also, thank you for the added writer brain comment Alexx — that is so lovely and much appreciated. :)
That is so fascinating. The armor of a boot and work clothes…the vulnerability inspired by a tiny, formidable monster staring down your skin. 🤔🧐🤓
Of course! In the back of my mind, Writer Brain always reads your stuff with popcorn and pompoms (while dressed in pirate boots with spyglass out and my quill a-scratching “Yaaar”). ☠️
I'm so thankful you reposted this. There is so much here. The narrator seems to be juggling the mundanity of life and all of a sudden life, death, and fear are thrown into the mix. Love this scene and how it pumps the simplest scene full of life.
I'm glad you reposted this Michael as I missed it the first time. This is very well done! The brevity and vivid descriptions, then tying it all back to not wanting to burn the eggs. Excellent writing.
Thank you, Donna. I really appreciate that. It was a fun one, which I think helped the writing.
Also, from my memory (which is questionable) I think you came aboard the platypus ship the post after this one. :)
This is incredibly relatable—the juggling tasks in the kitchen part and the unwanted, apocalypse-resistant visitor part. Thanks for bringing it back and highlighting it again.
I’m excited to hear about the big project!
Thanks Michael! It was a fun one, and I figured others would be able to relate — glad to hear you did. :)
Never read! Nice, man. And I do stay tuned! :-)
Thanks Michael! For reading, commenting, and for staying tuned — it is much appreciated :)
I know the feeling so sooooo well lol. I used to get like this all the time but in my last apartment the roach problem was such a regular occurrence that I inevitably grew numb to them. They were also so big I’m surprised they didn’t ask me for a cuppa while sitting upright at the table rippin cigs. They had wings and would fly across the room at times. In fact one hit me in the face, mid flight, one night as I was sleeping. Needless to say it made a man out of me in ways I wasn’t before (for lack of better terminology). Since then I’ve graduated from that deer in the headlights moment to a cold hard killer. A roach that dares to rear its head in front of me now is one with a death wish. It’s ON SIGHT now.
Bro, the ones that fly are freaking terrifying! If one hit me in the face while I was sleeping I don’t think I’d ever be the same again haha. I’m happy to hear enough exposure to them helped you graduate past the deer in headlights stage — in one sense I hope I can one day graduate as well, but in another my skin crawls at the idea of all that exposure haha.
Thanks Joe :)
I’m not the same person I was before that sucker flew into my face. The world has gotten darker. I feel cold and numb. Needless to say I was violated. Hahahaha
Yeah, no one could come out of that the same way haha.
Thanks Joe
Just today, I found a cockroach in the kitchen sink. I caught it between two plastic cups and moved it gently outside. I just didn't have it in me to squish it.
It will probably be back tomorrow.
You are a much more compassionate person than I, Bill. I’d like to be kinder those cockroaches but I feel physically unable haha.
Thanks for reading and commenting, it is much appreciated :)
OMG Michael you had me laughing so hard at my computer. I LOVE this writing voice of yours. It's just so funny. And I'm so looking forward to hearing more about the big project you're working on. Your Substack is truly one that I most enjoy reading!
Thank you, Camilla. I’m so happy to hear it made you laugh — humour was definitely my intention.
Also, thank you I am very excited to share the bigger project once it’s finished — it should be too far away :)
Excellent, Michael! Succinct and specific.
Thank you, Priya. I really appreciate that :)
Excellent! Fear or compassion Michael what stopped the flip flops from smashing down? Or was it the desire for eggs to be just perfect?
Hahaha I wish I could say it was compassion, but it was most definitely fear. Fear, fear, fear.
Fear burnt the eggs too.
Thanks April :)
So, you burned the eggs and let the monster go. At least you're good with words :)
Hahaha! Ohh Fotini that made me laugh so much. I love it!
Thank you :)
And I love your writing!!!
Of course this means that cockroach is still in your house somewhere, has grown exponentially, and you are doomed. Happy Saturday! 🫡
Hahaha what a terrifying thought that is! That will help me sleep! Thanks Troy :)
I just love this. The dilemma. The conundrum. This is definitely me in my house. I once had a massive battle with the neighbor's cockroaches infiltrating my space, so I had to become a merciless killer for a time. I even decapitated one with the butcher knife while cooking one night. But now...I am right there with you.
PS Writer brain is just shaking my head, astounded. Michael Edward strikes again. Ka-blam. Two-punch combo. KO. Love it.
Yeah it’s a funny thing how we can go back and forth between merciless killer and deer in a head lights. There have been times when I was working as a Tradie and I had my boots and gloves and everything on and I’d see a cockroach and I’d just kill it no problem, but then in other contexts — like at home in my underwear — they terrify me.
Also, thank you for the added writer brain comment Alexx — that is so lovely and much appreciated. :)
That is so fascinating. The armor of a boot and work clothes…the vulnerability inspired by a tiny, formidable monster staring down your skin. 🤔🧐🤓
Of course! In the back of my mind, Writer Brain always reads your stuff with popcorn and pompoms (while dressed in pirate boots with spyglass out and my quill a-scratching “Yaaar”). ☠️
Hahaha “Yaaar” — that’s gold! :)
😫 🪳(can’t believe there is a cockroach emoji)
I feel this way about centipedes. They give me the heebie jeebies.
Ah! Excited for your project! Don’t feel rushed, we’ll be here.
Yes, those many legged things are weird too!
Thanks Jenovia, I really appreciate that :)
I'm so happy I could read this now, Michael! Your writing beautifully captures the essence of what matters in life. As always, it's wonderful. xx
Thanks Thaissa! I really appreciate those kind words :)
Bwahaha! I’m glad you reposted. I hadn’t seen it. And it’s a delight! Not to mention totally relatable. 😬🪳🍳♥️
Thank you, Holly! I’m so glad you liked it. :)
I'm so thankful you reposted this. There is so much here. The narrator seems to be juggling the mundanity of life and all of a sudden life, death, and fear are thrown into the mix. Love this scene and how it pumps the simplest scene full of life.