Thank you, Joe, for offering such an in-depth and thoughtful comment, I really appreciate it.
And yes, I agree with much of what you said. And I understand where Substack is coming from and how their model works, and so, I know that when I choose to use their product I’m signing up for all that comes with that.
And thank you for suggestion to look up the Center for humane technology — I will be sure check that out.
Sorry for the slow reply to your comment and, please don’t be sorry for the offering a lengthy comment I very much appreciated reading your thoughts. Thanks again :)
Thank you, Mamie, for the kind words. I’m glad to hear my piece resonated with you.
And yes, I totally agree the pull is strong.
I don’t think you can be too honest with your writing, if I’m learning anything from substack, it’s that people seem to really appreciate authenticity.
I was excited when I saw your name in my email. I didn’t know I would see myself when I read it.
I’m experiencing some of the same feelings around using the platform to share my work. I can see how it can be difficult to genuinely want to promote your work and not glue yourself to the metrics.
Thank you for your vulnerability Michael - I know a lot of us will be able to relate.
Thank you, Marc. I’m happy to hear you was able to relate to this piece — even if it’s something we’d probably both be better off not having to struggle with.
Yes, it seems that it is a delicate dance trying share our work without getting too caught up in the metrics of all that sharing.
I feel that remembering that those ‘metrics’ are other people who also relate to many of the same experiences we do can help put things back into perspective sometimes. And so, thank you for reading, commenting, and helping me put things into perspective, Marc — it is much appreciated :)
Nov 9, 2023·edited Nov 9, 2023Liked by Michael Edward
"a delicate dance trying share our work without getting too caught up in the metrics of all that sharing." YES!!! Love this!!! And for what it's worth, from my perspective, you seem to have hit a sweet spot Michael🥰✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Thank you, Evelyn. As always you are too kind, and I’m so happy to have you here with me. Hell, it almost feels like your in the same room with me right now and I could just thank you in person hehe ;)
Wow - YES Michael. So fully and completely relate to this. I gave up social media in 2016 and never regretted it. But I find tech addiction of all kinds sucks me in. I do have a smart phone but I also have a dumb one ha ha. Sometimes (often) I go out with that instead to remind me that the 'hook' is the bit when you reach for the phone to check whether anyone has liked your writing etc etc. When I have my 'bat phone' on me (as my kids call it) there is a weird sense of loss. Like when you give up smoking and go out without cigarettes for the first few times. I have to watch myself carefully for all the addiction traps as I fall into them very easily from gaming, phone games, to food addictions. I see that it is about wanting to escape my present moment and for someone to tell me I'm okay, that they 'hear' me.
This was a powerful piece of writing Michael. Truly excellent.
Thank you, April, even though I wouldn’t wish addiction of any kind, on anyone — I’m glad to hear you related to this piece.
And yes, I totally agree, it’s that initial moment when you reach for the phone that is not only the hook, but also the moment when we have the chance to catch ourselves and bring presence back in — easier said than done, of course.
I love that you have a bat phone! That’s awesome. I only have the one evil phone, but I can relate to the feeling of loss because when I go for walks I leave it at home and while I’m okay with out it, sometimes I notice a phantom itch.
Thank you again, April, for the kind words, the lovely comment, and for being here with me — I really appreciate it :)
I have read a few posts lately on addictions on sobriety and I realise that being able to share this is such a vital part of our human connection. I feel that often the reason for those of us who struggle with addictions of all kinds is that 'society' has lead us down a fake path and part of us at the deepest level knows this. We mistakenly believe that it is us that is broken but I think we are slowly awakening to the real truth of it. What we have experienced with our so called 'weakness' is our human ness and we have grown so much stronger for realising this. For us to reach out to each other and say "Yep, I totally get what you are saying" gives us the courage to carry on with the journey of truth towards ourselves and our own humanity. You, my friend, are doing a great job in your explorations!
I think you are completely right in the idea that deep down many of us can feel that we’ve been led down a fake path and I think realising that is very uncomfortable and so instead of accepting it we blame ourselves or think it is our weakness.
And yes, to be able to share our experiences and have others reach out and say “I get where you’re coming from” is very healing. For me, with this post in particular, it has been really heart warming and eye opening to have so many people reach out and say they relate.
Thanks again, April, I really appreciate your support and encouragement.
Nov 8, 2023·edited Nov 8, 2023Liked by Michael Edward
Beautifully written as always and so much for everyone to relate to. The piece brought up so many feelings for me and we are all addicted to something. Working obsessively, social media, eating or for some not eating, etc, Life is full of things that can suck you in. For a long time I was addicted to constantly trying to finish my house despite all the setbacks. As you pointed out, recognizing and labeling the feelings and being aware is very helpful. Even though I hate structure it helps to create balance.
I also got the sense that you have had to figure out a lot of this on your own. I had to as well and understand the struggles and feelings around lost time. But on the flip side, some people never figure it out. I always wonder how different people's lives could be if societies had better support.
Your writing always warms my heart and makes me think more. I'd like to say thank you.
Thank you, RenoQueen, for sharing such kind words.
It is so interesting to me that you felt addicted to constantly trying to finish your house — that really reinforces the point that the pull of addiction can crop up anywhere. I actually think there is something particularly hard about, let’s call them ‘unconventional’ experiences of addiction — because with something like substance abuse it’s been so well documented that it seems somewhat easier for a person to notice that they are in the clutches of addiction, whereas with something like being addicted to trying to finish your house — that could be a lot harder to notice at first.
I actually felt like my experiences with substance abuse and gambling made it easier for me to recognise that I was becoming addicted to sharing my writing online. And so, in that sense I was thankful to have had the prior experience.
The practices I explained in this piece were things I figured out on my own — How did you notice that? But when I got sober my friend was also getting sober and so we were lucky to be able to talk about the experience together which really helped me figure some stuff out.
Thank you so much for saying that, I’m so glad you get something out of my writing — that really means a lot.
Nov 10, 2023·edited Nov 13, 2023Liked by Michael Edward
Addiction and temptation are all around us and we succumb to different ones. I like the term "unconventional". What makes these challenging is no one ever says "working hard is a terrible thing". But when you are working hard to the detriment of yourself and everyone around you, it's a terrible thing.
I am glad you were able to use prior experiences to correct the tendencies before they went too far. And that you had someone to talk to.
How did I notice? Change requires a considerable amount of introspection and awareness of one's own tendencies. It also requires humility. It was clear from the essay that you had these. From our interactions here, I believe you are a very thoughtful person. In my experience, people who are thoughtful also spend a lot of time thinking about their own actions.
Personal essays are usually not my thing but I will gladly read yours.
(I'm not re-stacking this as it's shown up more than once in my feed. I'm also reducing Notes consumption before another addiction begins!)
Thank you, RenoQueen, you are very kind. And I must say you are also very perceptive.
I totally agree, there is such and emphasis placed on ‘ working hard but for the people who are already working too hard there doesn’t seem to be any acknowledgment that people also need to rest.
As for all the lovely stuff you said about me being thoughtful etc., it is all very much appreciated.
You are welcome but no need to thank me. Everyone here including you are putting in a lot of work. Comments are one way for us to acknowledge the effort and share appreciation. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses.
Np just thought you would appreciate it in context of your post. It's a skill as I've seen attempts where it can come across as unintelligible or incomplete (meaning it needs more explaining which then defeats the purpose).
It's so interesting to me that you call it the old Siren Song, Michael - I want to tread carefully here, but I'm just going with it - because you know the sirens had a magic extrinsic of the sailors that it doomed, and I think you've hit a really apt metaphor. As you pointed out yourself, these "purposely-designed-to-be-addictive-platforms" are intentionally pushing that little dopamine button, and not in a friendly let's share kind of way but a competitive "What's wrong with me and how can I fix me? By giving IT more attention" kind of way. Sometimes I think social media has been so successful because we are a whole society filled with addicts, and the steady drip of capitalism/$$/progress we are fed from childhood (including the feast for the eyes of sex in every advertisement/TV show/movie) intentionally leaves us off-balance and HUNGRY for the next fix. We "addicts" are just edge cases: we maybe have some intrinsic genetic or situational predisposition that acts as a super receptor for the "medicine" that makes everybody a little sick, but with us we take more and more until it kills us.
I also feel that little pull to spend more time on Substack, it means well but it's got a bottom line like everybody else.
The strength of people in recovery is astonishing and brave. This is a wonderful piece, and I'm so glad you wrote it.
Troy, brother, where do I even begin with such a poignant comment like that.
Firstly, thank you, as always I am deeply appreciative of your presence here — it means so much.
And to get into the meat and potatoes of it... yes, I couldn’t agree more. I think a large part of social media’s success is that it was presented as ‘a way to connect’ and for so many people out there who are seeking the feeling connection provides, this seemed like a ‘clean, drug free’ alternative to cure what ales them. And because, as you say, the steady drip of capitalism/$/sex/advertising/keeping up with the Jones - keeps us all a little off tilt and hungry for the next hit of connection — so many of us start picking up that phone for the 30th time the same day in a way that looks a lot like an alcoholic taking another sip or a smoker taking another drag.
I also totally agree with you in that us ‘addicts’ are just the edge cases — as I think addiction is more of a spectrum than an either or thing, it’s just only those of us on the edges get labeled (or label ourselves) as addicts. Very well put, brother.
And yes, while I really do appreciate Substack, it certainly has the pull and it is something I’ve noticed more and more as my publication has grown. And to be honest other than the practices I mentioned and putting rules in place around use times — I’m not really sure what to do about it...
Thanks again, Troy. I really appreciate you offering up such a thoughtful comment and just you being here in general. ❤️
"Instead, I just sit there and feel it." This is brilliant Michael, and although you deny sharing wisdom, you did😁 The Buddhist monks across the road here practice doing exactly what you write about. They have a saying from one of their senior monks carved into a stone: "It's like this."
I hope you give yourself enormous recognition and acknowledgment for the way you practice staying conscious in your life. And congrats for cultivating the courage to be so vulnerable in your writing, MIchael!
Thank you, Camilla. Your kind words really mean a lot. I am always very appreciative to hear from you and especially your stories about the monks across the road. “It’s like this” sounds like such a simple yet completely radical form of acceptance — I love it!
Thanks again, for all the encouragement and support, Camilla, I really appreciate it 😊
I feel that, even though you don't position yourself as able to guide or help, so much of this piece has arrows that lead to a better understanding of our addicted selves and how to stay safe. I recognise the initial shock when you notice it return under a new guise, having to accept it will morph and let us turn the volume down but not quite completely off. The wisdom of accepting it as something that is, that will pass, even when the reflex is to fight or catastrophise. I'm so glad you recognised that old siren song, thank you so much for sharing this with us all.
Thank you, Mya, for sharing such kind and thoughtful words, I really appreciate it.
And yes, the shock that it has morphed and is now infiltrating something else is a particularly uncomfortable realisation.
But yes, it is from there that the acceptance of this thing must come — because to try fight something that can shape shift seems like a losing battle.
Thank you again, Mya, it means a lot to me that you are here. And I must say, your comment really made me feel heard and I’m deeply grateful for that.
I loved your writing from the very first day but I never imagined this could be the man writing it.
For the very first time, I get a chance to get into the head of someone who is/was addicted and I love getting into someone else's head and knowing their story. This piece is one of the most honest piece I ever read. There was not a single moment where I felt you were trying to hide something.
I will say thank you for writing this extremely honest piece, reading this kind of thing inspires me very much.
In the end, I will be a little selfish here, whatever happens, don't stop writing.
Thank you so much, Himanshu! Your comment is awesome. It totally made me smile.
I’m happy you enjoyed the little glimpse inside my mind — it’s a weird place to be I can tell you that, but it’s nice to be able to share that weirdness with others. And it’s even nicer when people, such as yourself, express an interest in getting a glimpse inside — it makes me feel less self-conscious about sharing.
Thank again, for your kind words, Himanshu, I really appreciate it. And just so you know I have no plans to stop writing. :)
So much wisdom in here, felt like I was reading the Preface to a book I already knew I wasn’t going to put down for the next 12 hours. Thank you for painting such a vivid, relatable experience of addiction, the way the bottom of the brain stem makes us believe it’s all that matters, and that its voices are true, necessary and urgent. My own flavor of addiction lives more on the OCD/perfectionism spectrum but it’s all the same. And I took a deep breath when you reminded me to just feel the feelings and in doing so, loosen her grip on the rest of me who knows life to be so much more full, dynamic and forgiving.
Thank you, Kimberly for such a lovely comment. What you said at the start about feeling like you was reading the Preface of a book you knew you wasn’t going to put down for the next 12 hours — totally made my day! I mean, what a nice compliment. So, thank you for that.
And yes, the way the brain stem, as you say, makes us believe that the lies of that voice are true, necessary and urgent — really does feel like the most pernicious part of addiction. It’s like we’re being tricked from the inside and there’s something really confronting about that.
Ahh yes, the old OCD/perfectionism bent, I have a touch of that as well — being a writer it’s hard not to get caught up in perfectionist tendencies, I mean, “people are going to read this writing I’m putting out, so it better be perfect”.
Thanks again for your lovely and thoughtful comment, Kimberly, it is much appreciated. :)
Brilliantly written, I love the clarity that you write with on a topic that can so often be difficult to articulate, and here you’ve done it with such grace
"It only causes me anguish when I try to resolve it..." uggghh brilliant!!! As if the aching can ever be filled or truly fixed. Brought to light my own tendencies!!! Thank you!!
Thank you, Maria. I’m happy to hear my piece resonated with you. And thank you for offering such kind words and pointing out which bit rang true for you. It is so nice for me know and I really appreciate it.
Thank you, Joe, for offering such an in-depth and thoughtful comment, I really appreciate it.
And yes, I agree with much of what you said. And I understand where Substack is coming from and how their model works, and so, I know that when I choose to use their product I’m signing up for all that comes with that.
And thank you for suggestion to look up the Center for humane technology — I will be sure check that out.
Sorry for the slow reply to your comment and, please don’t be sorry for the offering a lengthy comment I very much appreciated reading your thoughts. Thanks again :)
Thank you, Eric. I really appreciate that.
It’s been eye-opening for me to realise just how many people related to this experience — I guess, I didn’t expect it.
But it has made me even more thankful I decided to share.
Thanks again, Eric.
Thank you, Mamie, for the kind words. I’m glad to hear my piece resonated with you.
And yes, I totally agree the pull is strong.
I don’t think you can be too honest with your writing, if I’m learning anything from substack, it’s that people seem to really appreciate authenticity.
Glad to have found you too :)
That’s awesome!
Well I’m going to go ahead and subscribe to your substack right now then, because I want to read it :)
That definitely counts as progress :)
I was excited when I saw your name in my email. I didn’t know I would see myself when I read it.
I’m experiencing some of the same feelings around using the platform to share my work. I can see how it can be difficult to genuinely want to promote your work and not glue yourself to the metrics.
Thank you for your vulnerability Michael - I know a lot of us will be able to relate.
A lot of us!
Thank you, Marc. I’m happy to hear you was able to relate to this piece — even if it’s something we’d probably both be better off not having to struggle with.
Yes, it seems that it is a delicate dance trying share our work without getting too caught up in the metrics of all that sharing.
I feel that remembering that those ‘metrics’ are other people who also relate to many of the same experiences we do can help put things back into perspective sometimes. And so, thank you for reading, commenting, and helping me put things into perspective, Marc — it is much appreciated :)
"a delicate dance trying share our work without getting too caught up in the metrics of all that sharing." YES!!! Love this!!! And for what it's worth, from my perspective, you seem to have hit a sweet spot Michael🥰✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Thank you, Camilla!
I’m trying my best.
All the lovely comments from yourself and so many others certainly helps keep things in perspective :)
Thank you for your vulnerability. This piece is thoughtful and engaging.
Once again it is a wonderful offering from the platypus.
Thank you, Evelyn. As always you are too kind, and I’m so happy to have you here with me. Hell, it almost feels like your in the same room with me right now and I could just thank you in person hehe ;)
It’s uncanny really hehe
Indeed
Wow - YES Michael. So fully and completely relate to this. I gave up social media in 2016 and never regretted it. But I find tech addiction of all kinds sucks me in. I do have a smart phone but I also have a dumb one ha ha. Sometimes (often) I go out with that instead to remind me that the 'hook' is the bit when you reach for the phone to check whether anyone has liked your writing etc etc. When I have my 'bat phone' on me (as my kids call it) there is a weird sense of loss. Like when you give up smoking and go out without cigarettes for the first few times. I have to watch myself carefully for all the addiction traps as I fall into them very easily from gaming, phone games, to food addictions. I see that it is about wanting to escape my present moment and for someone to tell me I'm okay, that they 'hear' me.
This was a powerful piece of writing Michael. Truly excellent.
Thank you, April, even though I wouldn’t wish addiction of any kind, on anyone — I’m glad to hear you related to this piece.
And yes, I totally agree, it’s that initial moment when you reach for the phone that is not only the hook, but also the moment when we have the chance to catch ourselves and bring presence back in — easier said than done, of course.
I love that you have a bat phone! That’s awesome. I only have the one evil phone, but I can relate to the feeling of loss because when I go for walks I leave it at home and while I’m okay with out it, sometimes I notice a phantom itch.
Thank you again, April, for the kind words, the lovely comment, and for being here with me — I really appreciate it :)
I have read a few posts lately on addictions on sobriety and I realise that being able to share this is such a vital part of our human connection. I feel that often the reason for those of us who struggle with addictions of all kinds is that 'society' has lead us down a fake path and part of us at the deepest level knows this. We mistakenly believe that it is us that is broken but I think we are slowly awakening to the real truth of it. What we have experienced with our so called 'weakness' is our human ness and we have grown so much stronger for realising this. For us to reach out to each other and say "Yep, I totally get what you are saying" gives us the courage to carry on with the journey of truth towards ourselves and our own humanity. You, my friend, are doing a great job in your explorations!
Thank you, April, that was beautifully said.
I think you are completely right in the idea that deep down many of us can feel that we’ve been led down a fake path and I think realising that is very uncomfortable and so instead of accepting it we blame ourselves or think it is our weakness.
And yes, to be able to share our experiences and have others reach out and say “I get where you’re coming from” is very healing. For me, with this post in particular, it has been really heart warming and eye opening to have so many people reach out and say they relate.
Thanks again, April, I really appreciate your support and encouragement.
Beautifully written as always and so much for everyone to relate to. The piece brought up so many feelings for me and we are all addicted to something. Working obsessively, social media, eating or for some not eating, etc, Life is full of things that can suck you in. For a long time I was addicted to constantly trying to finish my house despite all the setbacks. As you pointed out, recognizing and labeling the feelings and being aware is very helpful. Even though I hate structure it helps to create balance.
I also got the sense that you have had to figure out a lot of this on your own. I had to as well and understand the struggles and feelings around lost time. But on the flip side, some people never figure it out. I always wonder how different people's lives could be if societies had better support.
Your writing always warms my heart and makes me think more. I'd like to say thank you.
Thank you, RenoQueen, for sharing such kind words.
It is so interesting to me that you felt addicted to constantly trying to finish your house — that really reinforces the point that the pull of addiction can crop up anywhere. I actually think there is something particularly hard about, let’s call them ‘unconventional’ experiences of addiction — because with something like substance abuse it’s been so well documented that it seems somewhat easier for a person to notice that they are in the clutches of addiction, whereas with something like being addicted to trying to finish your house — that could be a lot harder to notice at first.
I actually felt like my experiences with substance abuse and gambling made it easier for me to recognise that I was becoming addicted to sharing my writing online. And so, in that sense I was thankful to have had the prior experience.
The practices I explained in this piece were things I figured out on my own — How did you notice that? But when I got sober my friend was also getting sober and so we were lucky to be able to talk about the experience together which really helped me figure some stuff out.
Thank you so much for saying that, I’m so glad you get something out of my writing — that really means a lot.
Addiction and temptation are all around us and we succumb to different ones. I like the term "unconventional". What makes these challenging is no one ever says "working hard is a terrible thing". But when you are working hard to the detriment of yourself and everyone around you, it's a terrible thing.
I am glad you were able to use prior experiences to correct the tendencies before they went too far. And that you had someone to talk to.
How did I notice? Change requires a considerable amount of introspection and awareness of one's own tendencies. It also requires humility. It was clear from the essay that you had these. From our interactions here, I believe you are a very thoughtful person. In my experience, people who are thoughtful also spend a lot of time thinking about their own actions.
Personal essays are usually not my thing but I will gladly read yours.
(I'm not re-stacking this as it's shown up more than once in my feed. I'm also reducing Notes consumption before another addiction begins!)
Thank you, RenoQueen, you are very kind. And I must say you are also very perceptive.
I totally agree, there is such and emphasis placed on ‘ working hard but for the people who are already working too hard there doesn’t seem to be any acknowledgment that people also need to rest.
As for all the lovely stuff you said about me being thoughtful etc., it is all very much appreciated.
Thanks again :)
You are welcome but no need to thank me. Everyone here including you are putting in a lot of work. Comments are one way for us to acknowledge the effort and share appreciation. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses.
I just read this quote today. "Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism."- Carl Jung
Ohhh that’s a good one.
I really like, Jung. He has so many poignant quotes, I feel like I’ve written whole essays and he’s summed them up in one line hahaha
Thanks for sharing :)
Np just thought you would appreciate it in context of your post. It's a skill as I've seen attempts where it can come across as unintelligible or incomplete (meaning it needs more explaining which then defeats the purpose).
I very much appreciate it.
And yes, your right it is a great skill. Thanks RenoQueen :)
It's so interesting to me that you call it the old Siren Song, Michael - I want to tread carefully here, but I'm just going with it - because you know the sirens had a magic extrinsic of the sailors that it doomed, and I think you've hit a really apt metaphor. As you pointed out yourself, these "purposely-designed-to-be-addictive-platforms" are intentionally pushing that little dopamine button, and not in a friendly let's share kind of way but a competitive "What's wrong with me and how can I fix me? By giving IT more attention" kind of way. Sometimes I think social media has been so successful because we are a whole society filled with addicts, and the steady drip of capitalism/$$/progress we are fed from childhood (including the feast for the eyes of sex in every advertisement/TV show/movie) intentionally leaves us off-balance and HUNGRY for the next fix. We "addicts" are just edge cases: we maybe have some intrinsic genetic or situational predisposition that acts as a super receptor for the "medicine" that makes everybody a little sick, but with us we take more and more until it kills us.
I also feel that little pull to spend more time on Substack, it means well but it's got a bottom line like everybody else.
The strength of people in recovery is astonishing and brave. This is a wonderful piece, and I'm so glad you wrote it.
Brilliant reflections. Both of you.
Amen! 👏
Troy, brother, where do I even begin with such a poignant comment like that.
Firstly, thank you, as always I am deeply appreciative of your presence here — it means so much.
And to get into the meat and potatoes of it... yes, I couldn’t agree more. I think a large part of social media’s success is that it was presented as ‘a way to connect’ and for so many people out there who are seeking the feeling connection provides, this seemed like a ‘clean, drug free’ alternative to cure what ales them. And because, as you say, the steady drip of capitalism/$/sex/advertising/keeping up with the Jones - keeps us all a little off tilt and hungry for the next hit of connection — so many of us start picking up that phone for the 30th time the same day in a way that looks a lot like an alcoholic taking another sip or a smoker taking another drag.
I also totally agree with you in that us ‘addicts’ are just the edge cases — as I think addiction is more of a spectrum than an either or thing, it’s just only those of us on the edges get labeled (or label ourselves) as addicts. Very well put, brother.
And yes, while I really do appreciate Substack, it certainly has the pull and it is something I’ve noticed more and more as my publication has grown. And to be honest other than the practices I mentioned and putting rules in place around use times — I’m not really sure what to do about it...
Thanks again, Troy. I really appreciate you offering up such a thoughtful comment and just you being here in general. ❤️
Extra ❤️
"Instead, I just sit there and feel it." This is brilliant Michael, and although you deny sharing wisdom, you did😁 The Buddhist monks across the road here practice doing exactly what you write about. They have a saying from one of their senior monks carved into a stone: "It's like this."
I hope you give yourself enormous recognition and acknowledgment for the way you practice staying conscious in your life. And congrats for cultivating the courage to be so vulnerable in your writing, MIchael!
Thank you, Camilla. Your kind words really mean a lot. I am always very appreciative to hear from you and especially your stories about the monks across the road. “It’s like this” sounds like such a simple yet completely radical form of acceptance — I love it!
Thanks again, for all the encouragement and support, Camilla, I really appreciate it 😊
Sometimes nothing helps, for it depends where the Syren calls you.
These are good steps though, I agree, because I tried them all))
Thank you, Michael
I know what you mean, Chen.
Sometimes things can feel dire, but I try to remind myself that no matter how hard things seem — “this too shall pass”
Thank you, Chen, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
I feel that, even though you don't position yourself as able to guide or help, so much of this piece has arrows that lead to a better understanding of our addicted selves and how to stay safe. I recognise the initial shock when you notice it return under a new guise, having to accept it will morph and let us turn the volume down but not quite completely off. The wisdom of accepting it as something that is, that will pass, even when the reflex is to fight or catastrophise. I'm so glad you recognised that old siren song, thank you so much for sharing this with us all.
Thank you, Mya, for sharing such kind and thoughtful words, I really appreciate it.
And yes, the shock that it has morphed and is now infiltrating something else is a particularly uncomfortable realisation.
But yes, it is from there that the acceptance of this thing must come — because to try fight something that can shape shift seems like a losing battle.
Thank you again, Mya, it means a lot to me that you are here. And I must say, your comment really made me feel heard and I’m deeply grateful for that.
"so much of this piece has arrows that lead to a better understanding of our addicted selves and how to stay safe." beautifully expressed✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
I loved your writing from the very first day but I never imagined this could be the man writing it.
For the very first time, I get a chance to get into the head of someone who is/was addicted and I love getting into someone else's head and knowing their story. This piece is one of the most honest piece I ever read. There was not a single moment where I felt you were trying to hide something.
I will say thank you for writing this extremely honest piece, reading this kind of thing inspires me very much.
In the end, I will be a little selfish here, whatever happens, don't stop writing.
Thank you so much, Himanshu! Your comment is awesome. It totally made me smile.
I’m happy you enjoyed the little glimpse inside my mind — it’s a weird place to be I can tell you that, but it’s nice to be able to share that weirdness with others. And it’s even nicer when people, such as yourself, express an interest in getting a glimpse inside — it makes me feel less self-conscious about sharing.
Thank again, for your kind words, Himanshu, I really appreciate it. And just so you know I have no plans to stop writing. :)
So much wisdom in here, felt like I was reading the Preface to a book I already knew I wasn’t going to put down for the next 12 hours. Thank you for painting such a vivid, relatable experience of addiction, the way the bottom of the brain stem makes us believe it’s all that matters, and that its voices are true, necessary and urgent. My own flavor of addiction lives more on the OCD/perfectionism spectrum but it’s all the same. And I took a deep breath when you reminded me to just feel the feelings and in doing so, loosen her grip on the rest of me who knows life to be so much more full, dynamic and forgiving.
Thank you, Kimberly for such a lovely comment. What you said at the start about feeling like you was reading the Preface of a book you knew you wasn’t going to put down for the next 12 hours — totally made my day! I mean, what a nice compliment. So, thank you for that.
And yes, the way the brain stem, as you say, makes us believe that the lies of that voice are true, necessary and urgent — really does feel like the most pernicious part of addiction. It’s like we’re being tricked from the inside and there’s something really confronting about that.
Ahh yes, the old OCD/perfectionism bent, I have a touch of that as well — being a writer it’s hard not to get caught up in perfectionist tendencies, I mean, “people are going to read this writing I’m putting out, so it better be perfect”.
Thanks again for your lovely and thoughtful comment, Kimberly, it is much appreciated. :)
Brilliantly written, I love the clarity that you write with on a topic that can so often be difficult to articulate, and here you’ve done it with such grace
Thank you, Stephanie. That is so kind of you to say. I really appreciate that compliment, especially coming from a fellow writer who’s work I admire.
Reading what you wrote reminded me of this line from the great Harry Chapin -
"Sometimes I get this crazy dream, that I'll just take off in my car. But you can travel on ten-thousand miles, and still stay where you are."
That is a powerful line. It’s a strange thing that the things we can’t run from often seem the hardest to face.
Thank you for reading, commenting, and restacking my piece, Riley. I really do appreciate it.
"It only causes me anguish when I try to resolve it..." uggghh brilliant!!! As if the aching can ever be filled or truly fixed. Brought to light my own tendencies!!! Thank you!!
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Thank you, Maria. I’m happy to hear my piece resonated with you. And thank you for offering such kind words and pointing out which bit rang true for you. It is so nice for me know and I really appreciate it.