"Somehow, I’d fallen into the trap of handing my peace of mind over to an external thing, instead of remembering that something so sacred can only be found internally." Beautiful realization!❤️🙏🕊️
And I especially love this paragraph too: "That’s how I thought about things the day of the spasm anyway. But much quicker than normal, I realised I was catastrophising, leaping to conclusions, and ignoring all the progress I’d made. In other words, I caught myself slipping into old thought patterns. ***Employing the techniques my therapist had taught me I steadied my mind.*** Utilising what I’d learnt about my back muscles I did things that alleviated the tightness and the pain much quicker than before. But by far the biggest change was that I didn’t bottle-up my frustration about this latest spasm. Instead, I journaled about it, and I talked to my therapist about it."
Thank you, Camilla. The first realisation you quoted, was one that I am very thankful to have made. And yet, this tricky life path we’re on makes it such that even though I’ve learnt that lesson intellectually, there are certainly times I fail to live out the truth of that lesson. But I’m trying. 😅
Also, thank you for pointing out which parts stuck out for you. It is always so nice to see what resonates with you. And to be honest, I had a thought when writing the first realisation you quoted that it might be something you would like. Glad to hear I was right. :)
Michael I was just saying the exact same thing to a friend recently. I now know all these spiritual and Buddhist principles on an intellectual level, but I love how you put it, and I too, often fail in putting them into practice to help to ease my suffering. It’s so much easier to fall into the unconscious habit of blaming the external circumstances (like other people😝) for my reactions. I have literally just begun writing a post about this. And I reminded myself about what the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chodron teaches, “Fail, fail again, fail better.” So much of this path we’re walking is about remembering and reminding each other about what we know in our head, but are still practicing with our hearts. But I’m grateful to be walking this path alongside people like you, and we get to write about this stuff and remind each other😁❤️🙏🏼🕊
I have to second what Donna said, Camilla, that was beautifully said. And yes, I love that way of putting it “fail better”, it seems that’s all we can do. And luckily, as you said by sharing our experiences and interacting with like minded people we can all help lift each other up. :)
Thank you, Fotini. I really appreciate that. I’m sure you know the satisfying feeling when a sentence just ‘works’ — for me that sentence was one of those moments. So I’m glad to hear it worked for you too :)
Wow! Thank you MM! That is such a high compliment. I’m not sure I ever really thought about it that way before. I definitely found the experience transformative, I just never put it in those words. But I’m glad you did. :)
So many incredible life lessons. The re-entry into skating and the subsequent spasm, frustration cycle reminded me so much of how I felt as I started to re-enter the world after hiding for so many years with the dizziness. Instead of understanding it to be a messy process I initially would get so heart-broken if anything triggered it to flare. But with time and patience, I began to see how silly that expectation of “perfect healing” was, how life is constantly throwing us curveballs and part of the healing is letting our bodies respond as they do, and trusting in our resiliency. The peace you speak of comes from that trust, and willingness to live in the messy gray. Would you agree?
Thank you Kimberly. I so appreciate your kind words.
And yes, I totally agree! And I love the way you described it.
The other day, Evie, my partner, said, almost just as a passing thought within a bigger conversation, that “healing isn’t linear, and it’s rarely ever ‘complete’”. And that has just been floating around in my head ever since.
As far as “the peace I speak of” while I definitely believe it comes from the trust and willingness to live in the messy grey — I am still, routinely surprised/annoyed, at how my initial response is often to resist the messy, non-linear, un-perfect healing. I do think, though, that my resistance time is lessening and the intensity of it is weakening with each flare up. But I’m not gonna lie, Kimberly, damn it would nice to just be totally non-reactive and ‘zen’ about the flare ups straight away. But then again, maybe asking for that kind of ‘enlightenment’ is a bit too much haha :)
Maybe it just takes many years of practice? I’m thinking of the senior Buddhist monks across the road here whom we’ve gotten to know over the past 10 years, and I can see the benefits of continued practice of the kind of spiritua/Buddhist principles you write about. Even if they’re not enlightened, it’s still just nice to be around them as they emit a very peaceful and light energy with a gleeful joy. lol, maybe that makes them sound like ET😂 but there is something a bit mystical about it.
It takes some people a lifetime or many lifetimes to realise that the happiness you seek never comes from external objects or relationships but we can still enjoy them Michael bear 😊.
Thanks dad. It was a realisation I’m glad to have made. The trick now, is to make sure I continue to live it out and not just ‘know’ it intellectually. But we’re getting there :)
“You don’t just magically walk into a new life. You must forge it. Day by day, moment by moment.”
And some of that work never stops. You mention in another line that you “stopped pining for things to go back to the way they were” as well, and the combination of those two ideas really resonates with me. It’s a strange thing to admit, but you’ve helped me realize it after reading this piece twice: I wanted so badly to go back to before my back injury, but I actually never did. I never have. I’m still stretching every morning, I’m still minimizing my sitting, I’m still log rolling out of bed, and still making walking a huge part of my life. I have a wholly new routine that effectively means I’ll never be done managing that condition.
…and that’s okay. I will forever manage my back physically just like I do my mind psychologically.
I don’t know that it’s coming out right, but damn, did this make sense and capture the “working toward healing is valuable daily work” idea beautifully.
I totally get what you’re saying. It’s like there comes this point, often so much later on that we don’t even realise it, that it occurs to us that not only did things never go back to the way we wanted them to, but that that’s okay. Because now, somehow, we’ve found new meaning or value or peace or whatever you want to call it, in our new way of being and the daily practices that that way of being entails.
At least, I think that’s what you’re getting at, and I’m super happy to hear that my piece helped you realise that. Like, truly, that is such a wonderful thing to know.
Unsurprisingly, you nailed it. That change we feared becoming permanent did, and things were good, and probably even better, for it. It’s a powerful lesson to be reminded of, so thank you.
Thank you, Michael. I really value and appreciate being able to share this experience with you, and to be able to come to deeper revelations together. :)
Another fantastic installment, Michael! I love seeing this evolution of your understanding, your forging the life and relationship with your crafts of skating and writing and being.
Oh and I see our measurement time as a big slippery too.
So many correlations between your back pain and addiction/sobriety story - I feel like this could apply to almost everyone, our whole lives nowadays are built around external rewards and consumerism. You hit a rock bottom with your back and had to rebuild your whole life. Truly inspiring, Michael.
Thank you, Troy. That honestly means so much it’s hard to put into words.
And yes, I totally agree our whole lives are built around so much stuff that seems to throw so many of us off course. And then ‘shit hits the fan’ so to speak, one way or another and we have to pick up the pieces.
Such a courageous series of posts Michael. So many important lessons, such honest writing. I can assure you it hasn't been a drag to read at all. I hope that gives you some encouragement to believe in your book too! Isn't it interesting how easy it is to fall into old thought patterns and how challenging to heave ourselves forward to the new thoughts. This does get easier with time but I often get a feeling that just when I get to a new 'level' I get the frustrations of being put back to the beginning. This isn't true at all of course but the old thoughts are there lurking like sneaky little demons, waiting to have their day again!
Thank you April. I keep saying ‘thank you’ to you and so many other lovely people for the kind and encouraging words that they have shared in the comments about my writing — and it just feels like I can’t express properly how much it really means to me. It has helped so much with the sneaky little demons and all the doubt I have about my own writing and the book I'm working on etc., So really, truly, thank you.
Also, I totally feel the same way about those old thoughts patterns and their damn persistence. I mean, talk about resilient, those fuckers never stop hahaha.
But yes, I feel (I hope) it gets easier with time. It’s gotta.
And P.S - I’ve seen your substack DM and I will respond at some point soon, it’s just my phone is so old that it doesn’t support the new operating system that the substack app/DM thing operates on, (or at least I can’t figure out how to make it work), so I have to respond when I connect my laptop to the internet, which evidently, I don’t do that often. But I will get to it, I swear :)
Ha ha, no those fuckers never stop but it gets easier to spot the lies they tell! 😂 No need to reply to DM I hope you just look at the exquisite corpse and perhaps try one at your writing group! Or start one on here??
I think you should write a book - you are very wise (this, coming from someone who has read hundreds of personal growth and spiritual books). Part 11 is filled with words that caught me in my gut and made me pay attention, such as:
We must forge our new life. Damn. This is so true when we are in recovery but also every day and we forget it.
Leaning on the tools you learned rather than allowing yourself to sink back into the muck is a nudge to every one of us that we have what it takes if we stay the course, and if we don't have it we can learn it.
Skateboarding allowed you to express the happiness and contentment that is already within you. This statement makes me pause to reflect on my own inner contentment, or lack of it, and what needs to be done about it so it can be expressed in the things I love to do.
I have a feeling none of your readers want this series to end - it is certainly not dragging on at all! Thank you for this gift Michael.
Thank you Donna. As I’ve said to some of the other people in the comments section today — I really don’t know how to express how much your support and encouragement about my writing and this story means to me.
As for writing a book about this experience, funnily enough, when I first thought about writing this story, I thought I could wrap it up in like two or three parts maximum. But once I started writing it just poured out and I had to reel it in a bit as it got too personal. And now that I’ve written the whole series (well, except for a prologue I think I’m gonna have to write based on some recent events we’ve been discussing by email) I do feel like there is a whole book in this story. Especially if I allow myself to be even more open and vulnerable and specific etc., All of which is a long winded way of saying — I’m glad you said that as the idea has certainly floated into my head already. I just gotta finish the book I’m currently working on, which is essentially the memoir version of my skateboarding life that, in a way ended/changed when this story began.
As for the specific lines from part 11 that spoke to you, thank you for pointing them out to me, it is always so wonderful and interesting to know which bits speak to whom and why. And quite honestly, the lines you picked out were ones I really like too — so that was nice.
I do not mind one little bit that we’re on Part 11. I haven’t once wondered when you’re gonna hurry up and get to the end. Only when I get to find out What Happens Next! I agree above that if you you’re inspired to expand this into a book, it would make a great one. I mean…I’m into the Character of Michael now too, wondering so many things about his (your) journey, what brought him (you) there, and of course…and then what happened?
It really is a dangerous place not to simply replace one addiction or bad habit with another. Thank you for putting it into words, like leaving little sign markers along a route through the tangled woods in a place that hasn’t been forged into a path yet. I won’t say that I’m glad you made it through and out. You’re still breathing. 🤩🥰🤩
I’m glad you found this route, that you continue to hone it, that you have this tool belt for all the other tangled and tricky forests you come to, and that you share such a wonderful gift of telling us your stories. It’s like dinner AND a show. Fulfilling, educational, AND enjoyable to take in because of storyteller’s delivery.
You really know how to make a writer (me) smile Alexx. Thank you so much. Everything you just said about my writing and storytelling is so kind and it means so much. A part of the reason I’ve considered writing a whole book about this story is also because of the kind, genuine, and meaningful responses I’ve received while sharing it. … but at the same time, writing a whole book where I delve deeper into the me before this time, being even more specific about the me during this time, and honestly reflecting on the me now — feels like a colossal and scary undertaking. So we’ll see how we go. I’m sure it will happen when it’s supposed too.
You are so welcome!! And ohhhhhh I know these fears well. I mean…you haven’t seen what I had on my Olde Blog that I’ll still in the process of migrating here. NEK. KID. 😱😝🫣 We can commiserate about this process as it unfolds for each of us. Yes—only when we’re ready.
I really enjoyed this instalment Michael - I particularly resonated with the limbo you speak of when you moved away from your addiction and filled your time with more wholesome pursuits.
I find that that moment can be incredibly difficult and you seemed to navigate it so well and with such strength. Often one might get the feeling that the can only do the good stuff "after" they've gotten over an addiction, but the truth is that the good stuff is what helps you get over it in the first place. But it's hard to do "good stuff" when you feel crap/craving - does this quagmire resonate with you? if so, what helped you get out of it?
Thank you Zan. I really appreciate that. And I’m so glad to hear that part resonated with you.
As for the quagmire you mentioned, yes, that certainly rings true to my experience. Honestly, a part of what helped me get out of it is that I didn’t really have any other choice. My back issue was messing with me so bad that all I could do was try and do the exercises and journaling and the various things the people I’d spoken to suggested. Like, I seriously didn’t know what else to do and trying to think through all the uncertainty just made things worse, so I as cliche as it sounds, I just took it one day at a time and did whatever small thing I could do that day to try be better. And eventually that stuff compounded.
"It just meant I had to stop worshipping false idols. It was time to face the abyss of existence without a crutch." THis is an amazing ending to this chapter, Michael.
Thank you Jeffrey, I really appreciate that you pointed out which parts spoke to you in the last few chapters. And I’m really happy to know you liked the ending of this one, if I’m honest, I was quite happy with it myself hehe :)
"Somehow, I’d fallen into the trap of handing my peace of mind over to an external thing, instead of remembering that something so sacred can only be found internally." Beautiful realization!❤️🙏🕊️
And I especially love this paragraph too: "That’s how I thought about things the day of the spasm anyway. But much quicker than normal, I realised I was catastrophising, leaping to conclusions, and ignoring all the progress I’d made. In other words, I caught myself slipping into old thought patterns. ***Employing the techniques my therapist had taught me I steadied my mind.*** Utilising what I’d learnt about my back muscles I did things that alleviated the tightness and the pain much quicker than before. But by far the biggest change was that I didn’t bottle-up my frustration about this latest spasm. Instead, I journaled about it, and I talked to my therapist about it."
Thank you, Camilla. The first realisation you quoted, was one that I am very thankful to have made. And yet, this tricky life path we’re on makes it such that even though I’ve learnt that lesson intellectually, there are certainly times I fail to live out the truth of that lesson. But I’m trying. 😅
Also, thank you for pointing out which parts stuck out for you. It is always so nice to see what resonates with you. And to be honest, I had a thought when writing the first realisation you quoted that it might be something you would like. Glad to hear I was right. :)
Michael I was just saying the exact same thing to a friend recently. I now know all these spiritual and Buddhist principles on an intellectual level, but I love how you put it, and I too, often fail in putting them into practice to help to ease my suffering. It’s so much easier to fall into the unconscious habit of blaming the external circumstances (like other people😝) for my reactions. I have literally just begun writing a post about this. And I reminded myself about what the American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chodron teaches, “Fail, fail again, fail better.” So much of this path we’re walking is about remembering and reminding each other about what we know in our head, but are still practicing with our hearts. But I’m grateful to be walking this path alongside people like you, and we get to write about this stuff and remind each other😁❤️🙏🏼🕊
This is beautiful Camilla❤️
Thank you Donna, and the same is true with you too❤️🙏🏼🕊
I have to second what Donna said, Camilla, that was beautifully said. And yes, I love that way of putting it “fail better”, it seems that’s all we can do. And luckily, as you said by sharing our experiences and interacting with like minded people we can all help lift each other up. :)
smiles and heart-lifts bouncing back to you through the digital Substack realm😁❤️🙏🕊️
The last sentence sums it up gloriously!
Thank you, Fotini. I really appreciate that. I’m sure you know the satisfying feeling when a sentence just ‘works’ — for me that sentence was one of those moments. So I’m glad to hear it worked for you too :)
Yes, I know what you mean. It feels like finding a piece of puzzle that connects everything!
Exactly! :)
What a hero’s journey ME!
Wow! Thank you MM! That is such a high compliment. I’m not sure I ever really thought about it that way before. I definitely found the experience transformative, I just never put it in those words. But I’m glad you did. :)
So many incredible life lessons. The re-entry into skating and the subsequent spasm, frustration cycle reminded me so much of how I felt as I started to re-enter the world after hiding for so many years with the dizziness. Instead of understanding it to be a messy process I initially would get so heart-broken if anything triggered it to flare. But with time and patience, I began to see how silly that expectation of “perfect healing” was, how life is constantly throwing us curveballs and part of the healing is letting our bodies respond as they do, and trusting in our resiliency. The peace you speak of comes from that trust, and willingness to live in the messy gray. Would you agree?
Thank you Kimberly. I so appreciate your kind words.
And yes, I totally agree! And I love the way you described it.
The other day, Evie, my partner, said, almost just as a passing thought within a bigger conversation, that “healing isn’t linear, and it’s rarely ever ‘complete’”. And that has just been floating around in my head ever since.
As far as “the peace I speak of” while I definitely believe it comes from the trust and willingness to live in the messy grey — I am still, routinely surprised/annoyed, at how my initial response is often to resist the messy, non-linear, un-perfect healing. I do think, though, that my resistance time is lessening and the intensity of it is weakening with each flare up. But I’m not gonna lie, Kimberly, damn it would nice to just be totally non-reactive and ‘zen’ about the flare ups straight away. But then again, maybe asking for that kind of ‘enlightenment’ is a bit too much haha :)
Maybe it just takes many years of practice? I’m thinking of the senior Buddhist monks across the road here whom we’ve gotten to know over the past 10 years, and I can see the benefits of continued practice of the kind of spiritua/Buddhist principles you write about. Even if they’re not enlightened, it’s still just nice to be around them as they emit a very peaceful and light energy with a gleeful joy. lol, maybe that makes them sound like ET😂 but there is something a bit mystical about it.
Yes, as you illuminated “fail better”. Maybe that’s why they call it a spiritual ‘practice’ hehe :)
Thank you Camilla
Thank you for continuing to be so open about this process and all your insights. It is inspiring to be along the ride!
Thank YOU, Joanna! For continuing to be open to hearing my insights and to coming along for this ride.
It really means a lot to hear it is inspiring for you. :)
It takes some people a lifetime or many lifetimes to realise that the happiness you seek never comes from external objects or relationships but we can still enjoy them Michael bear 😊.
Thanks dad. It was a realisation I’m glad to have made. The trick now, is to make sure I continue to live it out and not just ‘know’ it intellectually. But we’re getting there :)
“You don’t just magically walk into a new life. You must forge it. Day by day, moment by moment.”
And some of that work never stops. You mention in another line that you “stopped pining for things to go back to the way they were” as well, and the combination of those two ideas really resonates with me. It’s a strange thing to admit, but you’ve helped me realize it after reading this piece twice: I wanted so badly to go back to before my back injury, but I actually never did. I never have. I’m still stretching every morning, I’m still minimizing my sitting, I’m still log rolling out of bed, and still making walking a huge part of my life. I have a wholly new routine that effectively means I’ll never be done managing that condition.
…and that’s okay. I will forever manage my back physically just like I do my mind psychologically.
I don’t know that it’s coming out right, but damn, did this make sense and capture the “working toward healing is valuable daily work” idea beautifully.
Thank you.
Thank you, Michael.
I totally get what you’re saying. It’s like there comes this point, often so much later on that we don’t even realise it, that it occurs to us that not only did things never go back to the way we wanted them to, but that that’s okay. Because now, somehow, we’ve found new meaning or value or peace or whatever you want to call it, in our new way of being and the daily practices that that way of being entails.
At least, I think that’s what you’re getting at, and I’m super happy to hear that my piece helped you realise that. Like, truly, that is such a wonderful thing to know.
Thank you for sharing that. :)
Unsurprisingly, you nailed it. That change we feared becoming permanent did, and things were good, and probably even better, for it. It’s a powerful lesson to be reminded of, so thank you.
Thank you, Michael. I really value and appreciate being able to share this experience with you, and to be able to come to deeper revelations together. :)
Another fantastic installment, Michael! I love seeing this evolution of your understanding, your forging the life and relationship with your crafts of skating and writing and being.
Oh and I see our measurement time as a big slippery too.
Thank you Holly. I really appreciate that and I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Yes the pieces are all starting to come together now.
Haha I know, right!? It’s slippery as fuck :)
Thank YOU, Joanna! For continuing to be open to hearing my insights and to coming along for this ride.
It really means a lot to hear it is inspiring for you. :)
So many correlations between your back pain and addiction/sobriety story - I feel like this could apply to almost everyone, our whole lives nowadays are built around external rewards and consumerism. You hit a rock bottom with your back and had to rebuild your whole life. Truly inspiring, Michael.
Thank you, Troy. That honestly means so much it’s hard to put into words.
And yes, I totally agree our whole lives are built around so much stuff that seems to throw so many of us off course. And then ‘shit hits the fan’ so to speak, one way or another and we have to pick up the pieces.
I appreciate you brother :)
Cool ME journaling your journey - a very worthwhile endeavour.
Nietzsche said "If you stare into the abyss (or long enough) the abyss will stare back".
As for false idols - but they look so bright and shiny - plus Nietzsche also said God is dead - so what are we expected to worship?
Hahaha brilliant point Emmett! What are we supposed to worship, indeed. All those shiny things seem so much more appealing than the abyss! :)
Such a courageous series of posts Michael. So many important lessons, such honest writing. I can assure you it hasn't been a drag to read at all. I hope that gives you some encouragement to believe in your book too! Isn't it interesting how easy it is to fall into old thought patterns and how challenging to heave ourselves forward to the new thoughts. This does get easier with time but I often get a feeling that just when I get to a new 'level' I get the frustrations of being put back to the beginning. This isn't true at all of course but the old thoughts are there lurking like sneaky little demons, waiting to have their day again!
Thank you April. I keep saying ‘thank you’ to you and so many other lovely people for the kind and encouraging words that they have shared in the comments about my writing — and it just feels like I can’t express properly how much it really means to me. It has helped so much with the sneaky little demons and all the doubt I have about my own writing and the book I'm working on etc., So really, truly, thank you.
Also, I totally feel the same way about those old thoughts patterns and their damn persistence. I mean, talk about resilient, those fuckers never stop hahaha.
But yes, I feel (I hope) it gets easier with time. It’s gotta.
And P.S - I’ve seen your substack DM and I will respond at some point soon, it’s just my phone is so old that it doesn’t support the new operating system that the substack app/DM thing operates on, (or at least I can’t figure out how to make it work), so I have to respond when I connect my laptop to the internet, which evidently, I don’t do that often. But I will get to it, I swear :)
Ha ha, no those fuckers never stop but it gets easier to spot the lies they tell! 😂 No need to reply to DM I hope you just look at the exquisite corpse and perhaps try one at your writing group! Or start one on here??
Yes, I agree catch the lies does get easier. I mean, fool me once shame on you, fool my seven hundred thousand times shame on me, aye!? :)
I will definitely check it when I get a chance. Thank you for sharing it with me :)
Yes and for anyone who reads that and thinks you may have exaggerated the numbers I can confirm that the stats are totally accurate! 🤦
Hahaha definitely accurate, probably an underestimation if anything.
Also, I just checked out the exquisite corpse link you sent me. That is a very interesting idea! I had never even heard of it before.
I may suggest it at my writers club or think of a way to do it on mine.
Have you posted your part yet? If so, would be so kind as to send me the link? :)
I think you should write a book - you are very wise (this, coming from someone who has read hundreds of personal growth and spiritual books). Part 11 is filled with words that caught me in my gut and made me pay attention, such as:
We must forge our new life. Damn. This is so true when we are in recovery but also every day and we forget it.
Leaning on the tools you learned rather than allowing yourself to sink back into the muck is a nudge to every one of us that we have what it takes if we stay the course, and if we don't have it we can learn it.
Skateboarding allowed you to express the happiness and contentment that is already within you. This statement makes me pause to reflect on my own inner contentment, or lack of it, and what needs to be done about it so it can be expressed in the things I love to do.
I have a feeling none of your readers want this series to end - it is certainly not dragging on at all! Thank you for this gift Michael.
Thank you Donna. As I’ve said to some of the other people in the comments section today — I really don’t know how to express how much your support and encouragement about my writing and this story means to me.
As for writing a book about this experience, funnily enough, when I first thought about writing this story, I thought I could wrap it up in like two or three parts maximum. But once I started writing it just poured out and I had to reel it in a bit as it got too personal. And now that I’ve written the whole series (well, except for a prologue I think I’m gonna have to write based on some recent events we’ve been discussing by email) I do feel like there is a whole book in this story. Especially if I allow myself to be even more open and vulnerable and specific etc., All of which is a long winded way of saying — I’m glad you said that as the idea has certainly floated into my head already. I just gotta finish the book I’m currently working on, which is essentially the memoir version of my skateboarding life that, in a way ended/changed when this story began.
As for the specific lines from part 11 that spoke to you, thank you for pointing them out to me, it is always so wonderful and interesting to know which bits speak to whom and why. And quite honestly, the lines you picked out were ones I really like too — so that was nice.
Thank you Donna, you’re the best! :)
I do not mind one little bit that we’re on Part 11. I haven’t once wondered when you’re gonna hurry up and get to the end. Only when I get to find out What Happens Next! I agree above that if you you’re inspired to expand this into a book, it would make a great one. I mean…I’m into the Character of Michael now too, wondering so many things about his (your) journey, what brought him (you) there, and of course…and then what happened?
It really is a dangerous place not to simply replace one addiction or bad habit with another. Thank you for putting it into words, like leaving little sign markers along a route through the tangled woods in a place that hasn’t been forged into a path yet. I won’t say that I’m glad you made it through and out. You’re still breathing. 🤩🥰🤩
I’m glad you found this route, that you continue to hone it, that you have this tool belt for all the other tangled and tricky forests you come to, and that you share such a wonderful gift of telling us your stories. It’s like dinner AND a show. Fulfilling, educational, AND enjoyable to take in because of storyteller’s delivery.
You really know how to make a writer (me) smile Alexx. Thank you so much. Everything you just said about my writing and storytelling is so kind and it means so much. A part of the reason I’ve considered writing a whole book about this story is also because of the kind, genuine, and meaningful responses I’ve received while sharing it. … but at the same time, writing a whole book where I delve deeper into the me before this time, being even more specific about the me during this time, and honestly reflecting on the me now — feels like a colossal and scary undertaking. So we’ll see how we go. I’m sure it will happen when it’s supposed too.
Thank you Alexx! You’re the best :)
You are so welcome!! And ohhhhhh I know these fears well. I mean…you haven’t seen what I had on my Olde Blog that I’ll still in the process of migrating here. NEK. KID. 😱😝🫣 We can commiserate about this process as it unfolds for each of us. Yes—only when we’re ready.
🤓🤜✨🤛🤓
I look forward to commiserating together haha — it sounds cathartic.
Thank you Alexx! :)
Woot!
I really enjoyed this instalment Michael - I particularly resonated with the limbo you speak of when you moved away from your addiction and filled your time with more wholesome pursuits.
I find that that moment can be incredibly difficult and you seemed to navigate it so well and with such strength. Often one might get the feeling that the can only do the good stuff "after" they've gotten over an addiction, but the truth is that the good stuff is what helps you get over it in the first place. But it's hard to do "good stuff" when you feel crap/craving - does this quagmire resonate with you? if so, what helped you get out of it?
Thank you Zan. I really appreciate that. And I’m so glad to hear that part resonated with you.
As for the quagmire you mentioned, yes, that certainly rings true to my experience. Honestly, a part of what helped me get out of it is that I didn’t really have any other choice. My back issue was messing with me so bad that all I could do was try and do the exercises and journaling and the various things the people I’d spoken to suggested. Like, I seriously didn’t know what else to do and trying to think through all the uncertainty just made things worse, so I as cliche as it sounds, I just took it one day at a time and did whatever small thing I could do that day to try be better. And eventually that stuff compounded.
:)
"It just meant I had to stop worshipping false idols. It was time to face the abyss of existence without a crutch." THis is an amazing ending to this chapter, Michael.
Thank you Jeffrey, I really appreciate that you pointed out which parts spoke to you in the last few chapters. And I’m really happy to know you liked the ending of this one, if I’m honest, I was quite happy with it myself hehe :)