This read like watching the best kind of movie where there’s this emotional pivot that, in hindsight, you should have seen coming, but the story absorbed you so much, you were just with it and feeling it and then BAM this small moment turns the whole thing on its head. Not by changing anything but by making a turn that recontextualizes everything. Is this a story about pain or an origin story for healing? They blur together and become one and the same when you reached that point.
Considering our shared history of spinal trauma, reading this series shouldn’t be a positive experience…and yet my heart leapt when I saw it just now. I think that’s because I finish every one having learned more about you. We share the back pain history, the penchant for writing, and, I suspect, some addictive inclinations, and so I find myself eager to read the moment when you overcome. It injects this hope that I can too.
You’re the best. Thanks for continuing to share this, Michael.
Thank you, Michael. I hadn’t really thought about in terms of the emotional pivot point of a movie — but I really like that description. This was certainly the part where things started to turn around as far as the way I looked at it all, and I’m so glad that came across for you.
Also, it makes me so happy to know your enjoying this story and that you’re excited to read it —it’s hard to convey how much that means. And yes, it felt essentially impossible not to reveal more and more about myself as this series went on, and so, while I was hesitant to do so at first, eventually I just leant it and I felt much better for having done so.
Thank you Michael. I really appreciate your kind words. :)
Brilliant, my favorite chapter so far! I've always thought of writing as the best form of therapy (free, no witnesses, no time limit) and this piece reinforces that position.
"Setting fire to those prescriptions felt symbolic." It was! Doing this was a ceremonial ritual that is empowering and symbolic and it made me cheer for you Michael! Your writing is so vivid and alive and keeps me with you every moment, 100% engaged on the page. I always look forward to reading more❤️🙏🕊️
Thank you, Camilla. I really appreciate that. It’s so interesting to me just how powerful a ritual like that can be and just how much meaning we can imbue into seemingly simple acts. Makes me think magic is everywhere as long as we’re willing to take it seriously.
Also, thank for your kind words about my writing, they are so lovely, and they really made me smile. :)
This is very inspiring. And it seems to me, if you could do this under so much pressure, it’s a tremendously powerful act towards trusting that you can be free from the addiction.
Thank you, Misbehaved Muse. That honestly means so much. And yes, the positive of it being so hard was that it certainly bolstered my confidence that I could handle other obstacles that come up. And at this point, a few years on, I am edging close to five years sober. :)
Thank you, Holly! I’m so glad to hear that. And yes, I’ve been really enjoying playing with this serialised form. Trying to write pieces that leave people wanting more, is fun! :)
I was cheering so hard Michael at your Rx BBQ! It reminded me there was one time I fell off my scooter and my face smashed on the pavement. The ER doc offered to prescribe some opioids but I said no since that was a couple of years after Prince died and I was really afraid that if not even Prince could survive painkillers, then sure as hell I wouldn't 💜
Wow, this course correction and the way the prescriptions brought it all to a head is quite something. You express the conflict and revelation so well. I, too, went through a period where everything I loved to do had been stripped away and boy did I need a distraction! I used to think that was a bad word but I’ve heard it used over and over again—finding a distraction—as a necessary part of coping and even healing because part of the problem is that our brain becomes too hung up on the symptoms. How lucky are we that writing was yours!
Yeah, I used to think of distractions in a negative light as well. But as you said, it’s so hard for our minds not to focus on the issue, and sometimes there’s just nothing we can do about that issue in that moment, which is when giving our minds something else to focus on becomes so valuable.
Also, thank you so much, Kimberly, your kind words mean a lot. :)
As always…dude. 🤜✨🤛 Replace “skateboarding” with “dance.” I hadn’t realized this was how you started writing! Although the how and why is not fun, I’m so glad you did. And that you stuck with it so we could be here in this place together.
There is something so powerful in torching things ceremonially like that. I was cheering! Same with the insights you gained from writing. We’ve talked about the Artist’s Way. That was the course that really got me doing this kind of writing you’re talking about. It can be revolutionary if used in such a way and I’m so glad to hear that it was for you. As always I’m all uuuugh…so????? 🤣🤓😜
Haha yeah, I had an inkling you’d relate to the skateboarding part.
And yeah, my writing origin story is kinda of strange, but I’m sooooo happy it happened and that I’m still writing now. Writing has become its own obsession that rivals my skateboarding obsession, which is something I never expected. And to have met awesome people like yourself, through writing is an added bonus.
It’s funny after I wrote the bit about burning the scripts I felt like I might have been being a bit dramatic at the time, but it really did feel like a necessary ritual.
And yeah, the writing at that time, helping me gain some sort of clarity was it’s on magical ritual — I just didn’t realise it then.
Thank you Alexx, as always I’m always so thrilled to read your comments :)
My writing and dance absolutely are two-fisted obsessions!! OK apparently I require additional tentacles because martial arts is right up there with them, and then there are the various topics I write about and music and… 🤷♀️ It’s so cool that it stuck for you. Often it doesn’t. You really do have to be deeply struck with the bug to pull it off for the long haul. It hells yo have buddies. And also buddies in the trenches.
Burning shit like that IS dramatic. 🔥😈🔥 Nothing wrong with that when it is a moment of such import and such a flagrant act of badassery.
And yeah, I certainly feel the need for more tentacles. Free diving, filmmaking, and drawing have all been semi obsessions that I could totally see myself doing long term, but there is only so much time in a day. And so, writing and skating win out.
Thank you Alexxx, I really appreciate that.
Also — ‘Flagrant badassery’ — is a wonderful phrase. :)
"I filled so many notebooks with chicken scratch. And even though I looked at it as nothing more than a way to distract myself – the act started to grip me. It was engrossing. It was challenging. And it allowed for creative expression. Experiences from my life, ideas, scenes, characters, reflections on skateboarding – everything became something I could write about. It almost didn’t matter what I wrote, it just mattered that the pen was moving. Filling pages with ink made me feel like I was doing something. Like I was moving forward. Like there was at least one ray of light breaking through the dark clouds that hung over me." This is immense, Michael. Really moving and powerful stuff.
Thank you, Jeffery. That really means a lot. It still blows me away just how much writing helped me through this time, and I figured if anyone would relate to that experience it would be fellow writers.
Your pain was our gain because writing brought you here. What courage Michael to burn those pieces of paper. Never underestimate yourself. Remember that choice, later in your life, remind yourself. Seriously, if you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind to. The hell of addiction and the two voices in the head were something we can all relate to if we have been there. I listen to Eminem's Deja vu, and I know other people have experienced what I am feeling. I know the misery of losing the battle and the bravery it takes to keep going. Bravo Michael, excellent writing again.
Thank you, April. You totally made my day. Your kind words really hit home. I don’t really go into it in this series, but yes, being on the other side of that experience I do find I often draw confidence or strength from the knowing that I got through that. Which is definitely a valuable sliver lining.
The other sliver lining, of course, was, as you said — writing. Which I am super grateful to have found for so many reasons. The lovely people I’ve met, like yourself, certainly being one of them. :)
And as a writer I’m sure you know I’m frustrated to see my typo of “price” when I meant “piece” but I know you know what I meant!! 😆 Looking forward to your next priceless piece!
Oh boy, I was so worried there for a minute!!! Yes the demons smacking you in the face; yes the lost identity and then *angels sing, clouds open" writing! Of course! haha This resonated on so many levels for me, Michael. I'd venture to say I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for my journal (I say "journal" but really it's a box full of notebooks, many millions of words over almost 40 years :) I'm riveted by this series, it feels so immediate and personal and courageous. 💜
Thank you, Troy. That honestly means so much to me. And I am so glad to hear this resonated with you. I feel very privileged to be able to share this story with people who can relate — it’s been it’s own form of healing I hadn’t expected.
And yes, the clouds opened for sure. It’s amazing really how therapeutic writing, and especially personal journaling can be. And I’m happy to hear it helped you in a similar ways — no wonder we value this writing thing so much, aye.
Thanks again, Troy. I’m so pleased you’re reading along :)
What a powerful turning point. Setting fire to.. I thought you were going to talk about triumphing over the call for the pills but even then, I was struck by the power of these words. Thank you for sharing, Michael!
Thank you, Priya. I really appreciate that. It’s honestly so wonderful to hear that you was struck by the power of my words — as a writer there is no higher compliment.
Wow Michael, I've just come back from a break from Substack and have read through your Torn in Two series - I admire how raw and honest you are, and you write incredibly beautifully about something incredibly painful but profound.
I feel like I found something similar in writing too
It’s been somewhat uncomfortable being so open and vulnerable in this series but I think it’s also been really helpful for me personally. And it’s been so lovely to hear how others have related to my experience in different ways.
And yes, totally, writing is incredibly powerful in this way.
This read like watching the best kind of movie where there’s this emotional pivot that, in hindsight, you should have seen coming, but the story absorbed you so much, you were just with it and feeling it and then BAM this small moment turns the whole thing on its head. Not by changing anything but by making a turn that recontextualizes everything. Is this a story about pain or an origin story for healing? They blur together and become one and the same when you reached that point.
Considering our shared history of spinal trauma, reading this series shouldn’t be a positive experience…and yet my heart leapt when I saw it just now. I think that’s because I finish every one having learned more about you. We share the back pain history, the penchant for writing, and, I suspect, some addictive inclinations, and so I find myself eager to read the moment when you overcome. It injects this hope that I can too.
You’re the best. Thanks for continuing to share this, Michael.
Thank you, Michael. I hadn’t really thought about in terms of the emotional pivot point of a movie — but I really like that description. This was certainly the part where things started to turn around as far as the way I looked at it all, and I’m so glad that came across for you.
Also, it makes me so happy to know your enjoying this story and that you’re excited to read it —it’s hard to convey how much that means. And yes, it felt essentially impossible not to reveal more and more about myself as this series went on, and so, while I was hesitant to do so at first, eventually I just leant it and I felt much better for having done so.
Thank you Michael. I really appreciate your kind words. :)
Brilliant, my favorite chapter so far! I've always thought of writing as the best form of therapy (free, no witnesses, no time limit) and this piece reinforces that position.
Thank you, Shire. I really appreciate that.
And yes, I totally agree, writing is an amazing form of therapy. It is just so helpful on so many levels.
Thanks again, Shire, I’m so glad you’re reading along. :)
"Setting fire to those prescriptions felt symbolic." It was! Doing this was a ceremonial ritual that is empowering and symbolic and it made me cheer for you Michael! Your writing is so vivid and alive and keeps me with you every moment, 100% engaged on the page. I always look forward to reading more❤️🙏🕊️
Thank you, Camilla. I really appreciate that. It’s so interesting to me just how powerful a ritual like that can be and just how much meaning we can imbue into seemingly simple acts. Makes me think magic is everywhere as long as we’re willing to take it seriously.
Also, thank for your kind words about my writing, they are so lovely, and they really made me smile. :)
This is very inspiring. And it seems to me, if you could do this under so much pressure, it’s a tremendously powerful act towards trusting that you can be free from the addiction.
Thank you, Misbehaved Muse. That honestly means so much. And yes, the positive of it being so hard was that it certainly bolstered my confidence that I could handle other obstacles that come up. And at this point, a few years on, I am edging close to five years sober. :)
Love this installment, Michael. And it it does the very important work of a serial piece of making me want to see what comes next.
Thank you, Holly! I’m so glad to hear that. And yes, I’ve been really enjoying playing with this serialised form. Trying to write pieces that leave people wanting more, is fun! :)
Some light at the end of the tunnel. Words are magic :)
Words definitely are magic! Thank you, Fotini :)
I was cheering so hard Michael at your Rx BBQ! It reminded me there was one time I fell off my scooter and my face smashed on the pavement. The ER doc offered to prescribe some opioids but I said no since that was a couple of years after Prince died and I was really afraid that if not even Prince could survive painkillers, then sure as hell I wouldn't 💜
Looking forward to Part 7 mate!
Hahaha an Rx BBQ indeed! I roasted those suckers.
Sounds like a nasty fall Marmi!
I’m glad you were okay, and I’m even glader (that’s not a word) that you said ‘no’ to the opioids. It’s crazy how many people those things get!
Thanks Marmi :)
Wow, this course correction and the way the prescriptions brought it all to a head is quite something. You express the conflict and revelation so well. I, too, went through a period where everything I loved to do had been stripped away and boy did I need a distraction! I used to think that was a bad word but I’ve heard it used over and over again—finding a distraction—as a necessary part of coping and even healing because part of the problem is that our brain becomes too hung up on the symptoms. How lucky are we that writing was yours!
Yeah, I used to think of distractions in a negative light as well. But as you said, it’s so hard for our minds not to focus on the issue, and sometimes there’s just nothing we can do about that issue in that moment, which is when giving our minds something else to focus on becomes so valuable.
Also, thank you so much, Kimberly, your kind words mean a lot. :)
As always…dude. 🤜✨🤛 Replace “skateboarding” with “dance.” I hadn’t realized this was how you started writing! Although the how and why is not fun, I’m so glad you did. And that you stuck with it so we could be here in this place together.
There is something so powerful in torching things ceremonially like that. I was cheering! Same with the insights you gained from writing. We’ve talked about the Artist’s Way. That was the course that really got me doing this kind of writing you’re talking about. It can be revolutionary if used in such a way and I’m so glad to hear that it was for you. As always I’m all uuuugh…so????? 🤣🤓😜
Thanks Alexx!
Haha yeah, I had an inkling you’d relate to the skateboarding part.
And yeah, my writing origin story is kinda of strange, but I’m sooooo happy it happened and that I’m still writing now. Writing has become its own obsession that rivals my skateboarding obsession, which is something I never expected. And to have met awesome people like yourself, through writing is an added bonus.
It’s funny after I wrote the bit about burning the scripts I felt like I might have been being a bit dramatic at the time, but it really did feel like a necessary ritual.
And yeah, the writing at that time, helping me gain some sort of clarity was it’s on magical ritual — I just didn’t realise it then.
Thank you Alexx, as always I’m always so thrilled to read your comments :)
You know it!
🛹🤜✨🤛💃
My writing and dance absolutely are two-fisted obsessions!! OK apparently I require additional tentacles because martial arts is right up there with them, and then there are the various topics I write about and music and… 🤷♀️ It’s so cool that it stuck for you. Often it doesn’t. You really do have to be deeply struck with the bug to pull it off for the long haul. It hells yo have buddies. And also buddies in the trenches.
Burning shit like that IS dramatic. 🔥😈🔥 Nothing wrong with that when it is a moment of such import and such a flagrant act of badassery.
And yeah, I certainly feel the need for more tentacles. Free diving, filmmaking, and drawing have all been semi obsessions that I could totally see myself doing long term, but there is only so much time in a day. And so, writing and skating win out.
Thank you Alexxx, I really appreciate that.
Also — ‘Flagrant badassery’ — is a wonderful phrase. :)
Thieve it at will. 🤓😈🤓 We require clones. But only if they’re fully synced.
Hahaha agreed!
Red pill blue pill black pill ... No pill ... mmmm .. where angels fear to tread
Indeed. Thanks Emmett! :)
"I filled so many notebooks with chicken scratch. And even though I looked at it as nothing more than a way to distract myself – the act started to grip me. It was engrossing. It was challenging. And it allowed for creative expression. Experiences from my life, ideas, scenes, characters, reflections on skateboarding – everything became something I could write about. It almost didn’t matter what I wrote, it just mattered that the pen was moving. Filling pages with ink made me feel like I was doing something. Like I was moving forward. Like there was at least one ray of light breaking through the dark clouds that hung over me." This is immense, Michael. Really moving and powerful stuff.
Thank you, Jeffery. That really means a lot. It still blows me away just how much writing helped me through this time, and I figured if anyone would relate to that experience it would be fellow writers.
Thanks again :)
Your pain was our gain because writing brought you here. What courage Michael to burn those pieces of paper. Never underestimate yourself. Remember that choice, later in your life, remind yourself. Seriously, if you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind to. The hell of addiction and the two voices in the head were something we can all relate to if we have been there. I listen to Eminem's Deja vu, and I know other people have experienced what I am feeling. I know the misery of losing the battle and the bravery it takes to keep going. Bravo Michael, excellent writing again.
Thank you, April. You totally made my day. Your kind words really hit home. I don’t really go into it in this series, but yes, being on the other side of that experience I do find I often draw confidence or strength from the knowing that I got through that. Which is definitely a valuable sliver lining.
The other sliver lining, of course, was, as you said — writing. Which I am super grateful to have found for so many reasons. The lovely people I’ve met, like yourself, certainly being one of them. :)
Yes yes, I’m cheering for you - swept up in your struggle through this price—and warmed by that fire along with you!!
Thank you, Robin!
I appreciate that so much. I’m so happy to hear you was swept up by the writing, as a writer that’s the highest compliment. :)
And as a writer I’m sure you know I’m frustrated to see my typo of “price” when I meant “piece” but I know you know what I meant!! 😆 Looking forward to your next priceless piece!
Haha it happens to the best of us. :)
Oh boy, I was so worried there for a minute!!! Yes the demons smacking you in the face; yes the lost identity and then *angels sing, clouds open" writing! Of course! haha This resonated on so many levels for me, Michael. I'd venture to say I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for my journal (I say "journal" but really it's a box full of notebooks, many millions of words over almost 40 years :) I'm riveted by this series, it feels so immediate and personal and courageous. 💜
Thank you, Troy. That honestly means so much to me. And I am so glad to hear this resonated with you. I feel very privileged to be able to share this story with people who can relate — it’s been it’s own form of healing I hadn’t expected.
And yes, the clouds opened for sure. It’s amazing really how therapeutic writing, and especially personal journaling can be. And I’m happy to hear it helped you in a similar ways — no wonder we value this writing thing so much, aye.
Thanks again, Troy. I’m so pleased you’re reading along :)
For sure, brother.
What a powerful turning point. Setting fire to.. I thought you were going to talk about triumphing over the call for the pills but even then, I was struck by the power of these words. Thank you for sharing, Michael!
Thank you, Priya. I really appreciate that. It’s honestly so wonderful to hear that you was struck by the power of my words — as a writer there is no higher compliment.
:)
Wow Michael, I've just come back from a break from Substack and have read through your Torn in Two series - I admire how raw and honest you are, and you write incredibly beautifully about something incredibly painful but profound.
I feel like I found something similar in writing too
Thank you, Zan. I really appreciate that.
It’s been somewhat uncomfortable being so open and vulnerable in this series but I think it’s also been really helpful for me personally. And it’s been so lovely to hear how others have related to my experience in different ways.
And yes, totally, writing is incredibly powerful in this way.
Thanks again, and glad your back :)